(The accompanying video and audio clips are played by an actor)

When it’s just for one night you’re doing always the same, and you don’t share anything, so in fact you, you are a bit selfish. You don’t really care of what you are doing, it’s ‘yeah, you don’t get anything after, you don’t learn anything. That’s it, but with a long-term relation you want to give pleasure to your partner and it means that you’ve got another behaviour, and you will listen what he will like to have and, I mean, you expect the same from him, he will listen what, what will make you happy, and it makes such, much more and it makes that after it’s much better as well, because it’s not the same.

Yeah, it’s not the same at all. I found that for one night, yeah, you are a bit selfish and in fact you don’t really have pleasure as much as you can have with a long-term relation. That’s my opinion.

Yeah, that’s it, I mean you compensate the lack of affection by sex. I mean I think sex and affection are together but in that case, it’s not really, not affection, it’s only sex. You can’t, you can’t get confused with this, it’s only sex, it’s not affection. I mean, okay, you’ve got a nice partner, it’s not like it’s something violent or something, no, it’s alright, but what I mean is after the feeling I’m not there, so it’s not really affection, it’s not really love. It’s nothing special, it’s just sex, but sex, like really the raw way of sex, like, I don’t know, it’s my.

It’s not even the same. When you have a one-night stand it’s just a quick fumble and it’s all over and it’s just, basically just sex. And then you go and have a shower, put your clothes on, thank you very much and a kind of quick kiss and I’ll call you next week and then you go home.

But with a relationship it’s completely different, theres a lot more time involved, it’s very loving, it’s very emotional. You don’t look at it like ‘yes, I’m going to have sex now’ it’s kind just pleasing each other, it’s nice, it’s comfortable. You’re together, you fall asleep together, it’s much nicer and it’s completely different.

It doesn’t even seem like the same thing. Sex in a relationship and sex on a one-night stand; it isn’t the same at all, it’s completely different.

And physically, there is a difference between the two?

Oh yes. A one-night stand you don’t know each other. You don’t know what each other likes and after a few drinks you don’t care. But in a long-term relationship it’s very different. You get to know each other a bit more intimately and you’re a lot more open with each other and what you like and what you don’t like. And you’re just there to sort of please the other person so it’s very different. It’s much more satisfying in a relationship than it is on a one-night stand.

Can you differentiate at the physical level how different are or what is different between sex within a casual relationship as opposed to a long term or a more serious relationship?

At the physical level for me, you might, I think you’re under a lot more pressure in a one night stand in the sense that you don’t know the other person, you don’t know what they want necessarily, you’re trying obviously to satisfy that person and they’re trying to satisfy you.

In your opinion, what are the good things you associate with relationships and sexual activity?

Good things with relationships, that one is an easy one for me. I think companionship, being able to have a good time, enjoy yourself, have some common interests but not all of them. Be able to enjoy each other’s company on a number of different levels but certainly physically as well as you know, the comforts, knowing that theres somebody there, someone to talk to, somebody to share things with, the good times and the bad times, to be a shoulder for them to cry on and the other way round too.

The emotional level, I think when you have a one night stand, theres no emotions there whatsoever, it’s just sex and that’s it. I don’t think, you don’t let your emotions, or I don’t think you do, that’s what I think, anyway. You wouldn’t let your emotions get involved because it’s just sex. You don’t know this person. You probably ain’t even gonna get their number after you’ve had sex. Whereas in a long-term relationship, you love the person so much, that you want to please them. So I think you do certain things that you wouldn’t necessarily do, maybe oral sex or whatever.

I think casual sex has no emotional level. It’s just animalistic humping. Whereas in a long-term relationship, sex is better because there is an emotional level, because you’ve got the emotional input, and you stare into each other’s eyes and think, ‘I’m having sex with him because I’m enjoying it, and because I want to, and because he knows how to do it for me, and were in love, and you can feel the connection by looking in each other’s eyes.

Whereas having sex with a bloke you hardly know, on a one-night stand, you’re not likely to have eye contact, because theres no emotional level to it, and then you wake up in the morning just feeling ‘ eeeeer.

In my experience casual sex tends to be a lot more passionate, a lot more clumsy, but it can be quite good fun because it is so passionate and it, the actual, that passion burns out very quickly.

If you are in a casual relationship that goes on for you know for however long, it does tend to burn out very very quickly whereas if you’re in a more serious relationship it will be a lot softer, a lot more slow, you’ll get to know their body and what they like and it doesn’t burn out so quickly.

Now the same question but differences at the emotional level.

Differences at the emotional level… Long term relationships for me have been very emotional, I get emotionally attached very easily, I think that’s probably why I like the casual relationships because I don’t get emotional at all. It’s about the physical side of things and nothing else. Whereas the long term relationships they’re more emotional, you think about them more and you want it to work and you want it to feel right, but yeah, casual relationships for me are just a lot easier because I get so emotionally attached and I don’t have to deal with that side of things if I am in a casual relationship.

Well alright one night stands, nah because I mean when you’re in a stable relationship you have, you know what I mean, you enjoy it because of your partner, these people it’s just done theres no feelings involved or nothing like that, it’s just, it’s almost like a hobby or a job you know we don’t, it’s nothing.

So I mean when you’re in a relationship and you feel for this person you enjoy it, that’s the point you know. So I mean you’re satisfied with your partner, you’re satisfied with your partner you ain’t going to look elsewhere you know. If you’re not satisfied with your partner then obviously you’re going to look elsewhere you know it’s all about being upfront and honest you know I’m cool with my partner, theres no problem.

But I mean the difference in a stable relationship you enjoy it, you now what I mean you’re comfortable, you feel nice but with these one night stands theres just nothing involved in it. So that’s why it’s a one night stand and you can just do whatever, you have sex and then tomorrow you don’t want to call back the person or they might do it to you, vice versa, you never know because theres just nothing involved in it.

So practically, realistically you don’t really like them and they don’t really like you so you know.

It’s a physical thing then?

It’s physical, so I mean, that’s it.

(The accompanying video and audio clips are played by an actor)

Okay how important do you see sex to a relationship?

I think it’s really important. As I said before you know it’s a way of being intimate and showing that you know and care for that person. You know you’re getting so vulnerable to let, you’re in that state and you know you want to pleasure them, they want to pleasure you, it’s a nice feeling.

I think a lot of that tends to be missed when you come to one night stands, theres not, theres not that feeling about, it’s just the urgency to get what you want and then leave.

How important is faithfulness?

Very. I kind of cheated on my ex twice and she found out about one of them which did make life very, very difficult. I think, what I thought the first time would, would make me realise, you know, it’d be a learning thing but the second time just happened when I went away on a, on a residential with, with a group of friends.

But it does make you, you know, after all of it, it does make you value what you have and it does make you realise that, you know, you want to be in the relationship. And you wouldn’t want it, you wouldn’t like it if the person you were seeing did the same to you. So I suppose faithfulness is quite important.

In the context of a serious relationship how important is faithfulness?

It is because I mean it don’t make sense, you’re going to be in a relationship and you’re not faithful, because you’re going to waste your time, you’re wasting your energy, you’re wasting yourself. I mean if you really like a person and you’re going to be, you have to be faithful because it’s going to cost you time and money and etc etc.

No point you kidding yourself and blaming yourself, you’re playing with their feelings and you’re playing with yourself. I can’t really see how am I going to be with my girl. I’m spending money taking her to the cinema or etc, or shes spending money vice versa, it’s gong to be a waste of time and a waste of money when rather I can hold my money and go to hotels and see how many women or whatever.

So realistically, faithfulness is really the key to a relationship but it’s more communication and understanding is really the key in a relationship, then everything will all come in a relationship, love, trust etc etc. Understanding and communication, if you don’t communicate with your partner then they’re going to start thinking is he or is she cheating or you know, if you’re not understanding them you know you’re not going to really… if they’ve got some problems they want to talk to you or they don’t like certain things what’s going on in the relationship like your friends come round too much, they keep interfering in the relationship.

So you’ve got to have understanding, they’ll say “Oh quiet, you’re talking rubbish” and then it’s going to cause more arguments and friction. So I mean realistically communicating and understanding will make everything come within the relationship faithfulness, love, happiness etc.

(The accompanying video and audio clips are played by an actor)

I think to start with as a teenager, it’s very much sort of, ‘Oh shes nice, shes a bit of all right’, that sort of thing it’s very much based around that sort of physical lines. I don’t think that goes away as you get into early adulthood. Because I think you know, everyone likes people who are good looking. But I think that you do have the sort of ability and desire to have a relationship on more levels than that.

So I think things like spending time with someone, or having sort of common interests become a bit more important so’ You’ve always got your friends but I think as you grow up into adulthood, you can combine sort of friend with girlfriend a bit better.

Well first of all I’d say that I’m, I’m in a relationship at the moment which is really good with my girlfriend and were very happy and we support each other. I mean, I’m not saying that my life as a student is particularly stressfulbut there are sort of difficult times both in my life and my girlfriends life and I think we are able to help each other in those sort of emotionally, and also just practically in terms of It’s always useful to be able to share a problem.

So theres that and then I think also theres the, the physical side to the relationship which is obviously good fun and is something which we enjoy and is important in the relationship, and then theres the companionship side, it’s nice to have someone who you can talk to about anything and sort of spend time with, without really ever getting annoyed with them.

And again I know you’ve got your friends but at times it can get just a bit much just with friends. Whereby, I guess its nice just to have someone who you can be with, without really having to make that effort to socialise, I think that’s sort of what I’m trying to say.

(The accompanying video and audio clips are played by an actor)

Yeah, because obviously the Christian text is the bible, in the bible it typically states that you know sex before marriage is a no no, there are very good reasons for that. A lot of people do say to me, ‘this is the 21st century, what’s wrong with having sex’, my response to that is god made or created sex not just for enjoyment but he taught that it’s sacred, it’s special and it’s something two people who are committed to each other can enjoy.

I think that commitment can only come in the bounds of marriage, in the bible I mean if sex happens outside marriage then lots of problems can come up, you know I’m not saying just because some people do have sex before marriage things will go wrong, I mean a lot of people have very good relationships and things like that, with sex before marriage.

You know, for instance what if they have a child out of wedlock, I mean it’s a very old fashioned way of thinking but affection and sex means a lot to me in a relationship and well I’m just really quite wary of things like that.