And how about the school? Were they supportive?

Yeah, the school were really, really supportive. She went to a school, when she was taken ill, and they were amazing. They were really amazing. When she went back there was a, I think she was the deputy head of year, who was really on my daughter’s side and very caring for her and if she needed something, she was there for her. My daughter could come out of lessons and spend time in their room if she wanted time out. She then changed schools. She went to a small independent school, for various reasons, because she wasn’t coping at the school she was at. She was actually wasn’t so we I made the decision that she move to this other school. I feel very fortunate that there were the resources to pay for it and they’ve been amazing too. We went there. We decided not to say too much because that’s what my daughter wanted but it came to a point, because she wasn’t doing very well, where we had to explain and they’ve been hugely supportive of her too.

And that’s partly why shes doing so well now.

I mean the school, obviously, communicated well with me and I with them so there was a good communication line going and times when she was self-harming, in the early days, I didn’t know what to do. I was despairing putting my professional work aside and just being a mum, I had to obviously, consult with the school and let them know, obviously, shes had a bad night or she self-harmed last night but, however, shes coming to school off her own steam, not from any pressure from myself, just be alert, just observe, you know. And they would do that and they would report to me at the end of the day or the end of the week to let me know shes had a good week. So at least there was some communication and some dialogue going, because I think in in cases where children are self-harming that has to happen so that all parties are aware and they are on full alert and because the young people are so vulnerable.

My eldest daughter had a, her form tutor through school was brilliant, very, very good. She was very lucky, to have his sort of support all the way through, and inevitably, he then got to know my youngest daughter as well, and, and, actually, he turned out to be the member of staff that shes turned to.

And I think if any single person has made the biggest difference, it’s been him. And it is back to this point of, somebody who can be trusted, who when they ask a question, the way they ask questions, the way they talk, isn’t done in a way that feels like an interrogation, or feels like being patronised, or feels as if it’s adding to the pressure. Somehow has managed to do it in a way, that is very supportive and helpful. But, his position as, as a school teacher makes that, support virtually impossible, and weve been incredibly lucky with the school’s approach, over the last couple of years because, actually, they’ve allowed us to, to, to make the running, to say what we need. And they have done whatever weve asked them to do, which has been absolutely extraordinary, and I understand, quite unusual. But they trusted us to say, This is what needs to be done the next step. This is what needs to be done the next step.

But, because this one teacher has been the main point of support, and, and help, hes obviously found it quite difficult himself, because it puts him under an awful lot of emotional pressure. And it’s difficult for him to find the help he needs, to, to do it, because he hasn’t had, had the counselling training, and all of those sorts of things. So, you know, the main support manager in school, has had to say to him, or did say to him, fairly early on in this sort of process, You’ve got to back off. You are not allowed to give any advice.

You’re not allowed to offer any opinions. You can listen and, basically, that’s it. So, actually, that’s been quite difficult, because that’s made, in some ways, the position more difficult for him, and, even though you know we can sort of say, We, we trust your judgement, we know you well enough that the advice you’re going to offer is going to be right. He just isn’t allowed to, and, and that’s been difficult because, when that’s the only person shes prepared to listen to, it’s very isolating.

And what is the school’s attitude to it all?

[Laughs] difficult. How big is your beeping machine?

[Laughs.]

Poor. They’re in, in denial but they have been for a long time. They’re were a very successful grammar school, this, some of this is going to go down like a lead balloon, and their catchment area isn’t as good as it used to be, shall we say, so they’ve got a lot more characters. Luckily, the head has just changed and they’re trying to be a lot more robust, but they don’t uphold the school uniform, therefore, you’ve got a general lack of discipline. Luckily, or unluckily, I know a worker that who went in there about a week, week and a half afterwards to introduce herself in connection with the local hub and they said, No, we don’t have any problems at all.

Now, perhaps they hadn’t had enough attempted suicides that week, I don’t know. I mean that’s how I see it, very ironic and I happened to see her, possibly that night, the night after shed been in and I said, Oh, I need to talk to you. I’ve got such problems and I don’t understand. And her mouth just fell open. They are in, they had not mentioned anything. But I do wonder, to be fair, whether they have the training.

It’s very easy for me to get very angry [laughs] and I do get very angry but I wonder you get made head of year and what have you been trained in to be head of year, and I was really pleased that they had no policy for dealing with this really, because I can’t think of anything worse than sitting down and thinking, Right, weve got, I’ve got seven or eight hundred pupils, the way things are nowadays, two a year are going to try and attempt suicide. What are we going do? That that’s not teaching to me, if you know what I mean, but not only did they seem to have no policy, anything that’s in place by the county council about bullying, they’re not very keen, in my opinion, to follow up.

She goes to a really good school and I know they have counsellors there but she says they’re not very good. I think the big difference is, is that the school she goes to apparently a lot of the girls do it. It’s very prevalent and I think a lot of the teachers know about it and I think they don’t treat it as the big deal that it was treated in America because I think in America it’s more seen as trying to kill oneself. Whereas here, I think it’s seen as trying to cope with pain or depression or.

So it’s different.

Yes, so is she at school most, when shes not in the hospital?

No, she hasn’t been to school for two years. She was an A star student at a grammar school but no, nothing, had nothing. She does like art and she has used that to express herself but no, the education has stopped altogether.

So when shes not in, being admitted, what, she lives here and.

Shes been here, yes. She has been going to the hospital school but only for two hours once a week but that has stopped now as well so yeah, no education, not even, shes not even been able to do it via the internet. Shes just, it’s the least of her worries at the moment, which is a shame.