Well, if I were offering advice to someone who was considering a home birth, I would say, unless theres a real medical reason not to, ‘Go for it. I found it a really fulfilling experience and I really appreciated all the choices that I was offered. I didn’t feel like I was part of a system that was grinding on regardless of me. I really felt like an individual person during the whole process, and that was really, that was just really great. I’ve spoken to some of the people with whom I was taking prenatal classes and they, they say things like, ‘Yes, I had a dreadfully long and difficult and painful labour. And is there really any other way?’ And actually there is another way, and I experienced that way. I’m just really grateful for my experience, I just can’t believe, it was, it was beyond my wildest dreams really. Having a birth at home allowed me to be in my own setting, where I felt comfortable, and to have the people around me that I wanted to have around me, in their own setting as well or a setting that they felt comfortable in. And, and it just allowed me to make those free choices. And that gave me exactly the kind of birth that I wanted. And as many things as I was worried about that could go wrong, none of them did.

Now I know that a home birth may not be for everyone, there may be reason, medical, real medical reasons why it’s impossible. But, but I think that on reflection the, the number of medical reasons that are given for why people couldn’t have home births may be larger than the actual real number of women who wouldn’t physically be able to give birth at home. And it’s a matter of, of deciding whether or not the reasons you may have been given that home birth is not the right option for you, are they valid reasons or are they not?

And then by Friday, woke up about 5 o’sclock in the morning and then I had like more water basically going. And basically I said to [husband], I said, I’m totally wet this time. [Husband] said, Oh, don’st worry cos the doctor said it will, you’sll be wet all the way through pregnancy now. So I went back to sleep. About 10 o’sclock on Friday like morning woke up and I went to the toilet. And I had a show. And I called [husband] and [husband] phoned up the [hospital]. And basically I got in to hospital about 11.20. [Child 1] was out at 20 past 1 and that. So that was, that was okay. But [hospital] was like really, totally let down. Cos when you get in there, you’sre sort of like, Oh, you want to push. Hang on a minute we’sve gotta go and get a torch. What do you want a torch for? And basically so they got a torch, had a look, Oh, yeah, the baby’s head’s coming out. It was like, Oh, but I did tell you. Hello. So they put me in like the labour room and they told me like, you know, to push. So I pushed [child 1] out in about sort of 27 pushes. I sort of like was giving up cos I was so tired. So this midwife said, Well, close your mouth cos basically you’sre sucking him back in. So I closed my mouth and out popped [child 1] basically. So that was a good thing. So that was like 27 pushes, like one hour, yeah, about an hour and 31 minute they classed it.

But it’s quite funny because I was basically doing it on my own. Cos this woman, this other midwife, she was just sat on the bed, like looking away like, you know, like every now and then she used to like peek, see how I’m doing. Then she just sat on the bed, sort of like let me get on with it really. And as soon as she saw the head come out, then she managed to get the head and that. And she said, Well, you’sve done a great job. Like you didn’st really need me, did you? I said, There you go [laugh] and that.

So, do you enjoy being pregnant?

Yes, but no. It’s – well, I like it because I know it’s a human being I’ve, we’ve created. But there’s still like the after bit, like when I – in labour. To me, it didn’t hurt, but it just really like – I don’t know – just take ages and ages and ages and ages [toddler chattering].

But you’ve done it without – so you don’t feel pain when you’re in labour?

I do feel pain, but I don’t need anything for it [toddler chattering]. Because I’m too excited to see what’s coming out, I’m like – yeah, come on, push [laughing]. Don’t care about gas and air, just hurry up.

In terms of where to have the baby, I remember vividly the very first encounter with my midwife didn’t actually characterise what the relationship was going to be like at all, in that I walked in and the first thing she said to me was, ‘Where do you want to have your baby?’ And I was totally thrown because, [laugh] because it made me feel as if I ought to know what the options were and so on. And, and I quite remember that, sort of feeling, ‘Oh my word, you know, I’m not sure. It didn’t set a very positive tone for, for the relationship, but it actually proved to be a total one-off. So she was, she was the one who explained that I could go here locally within the city, or I could actually go across, across to the next authority if I wanted to. So I knew those were options and home, home birth was also discussed. It’s been, it’s been raised with me sort of proactively by my midwife this time in terms of whether I actually want a home birth and she said that she would happy to support me in that this time if I want to, given that I had a straightforward water birth last time. So I know, I’ve, I’ve been clear what the options are. So that’s in terms of place.

And are you thinking about home birth now, or are you still planning a hospital delivery again?

I’m, no, weve, weve decided to use the hospital facilities, because I would very much like to have a water birth again if possible, and just in practical terms having a water pool in the house for maybe up to 4 weeks doesn’t really feel very, very realistic. And although the environment where I gave birth was clearly clinical, the actual process in terms of who was there and how it happened was that essentially my husband and I gave birth. I gave birth with his, primarily with his support, and the midwives were in the background. And, and that was absolutely fine. And I suppose I, you know, I just feel given that the facilities, should anything go wrong, are 10 minutes down the road, I’m not sure how I would feel if anything went wrong, I was at home, and the 10 minutes it took to get there made a difference to the outcome of the birth. I don’t feel strongly enough about being in my own environment to desire a home birth.

Do they have just the one pool?

They have two, although there was one out of, out of order last time. But they tell me that they’re not used very much, so the chances of actually getting there and finding someone else is using it are fairly low. So it seems to be under-utilised.

So how did you feel when they handed your daughter to you?

Oddly, considering I cried when they put the 2 little embryos inside me, I didn’t cry, which seemed really strange. My husband cried, sobbed. I think I was in such a state of shock with my teeth chattering and my body shaking because I think it is an incredible thing for the human body to go through, to push out a human being. And you, you do become aware, it does become obvious why, traditionally, many women could die, could die in childbirth. All I could think of to say was, ‘hello. And it just, I was only aware of the immediate space around me. I think when it comes to the actual birth, though of course, I can only speak, speak from the experience of one birth, whether you’re at home or whether you’re on a floor or on a bed or, I was only aware of the immediate space around me, just myself, my husband and the baby. I wasn’t really aware of anything else; I had no, I was no longer particularly aware of what room I was in or, or anything beyond a sort 2 feet area around me. And it was, without question, the most wonderful experience ever. Within about 24 hours I was, I was saying I would absolutely love to give birth again. It was awesome in the, in the true, genuine sense of the word. It was the closest I have or will ever come to a, a religious experience or spiritual experience. I think it’s a privilege to have a natural birth.

They had a ventouse, two and a half little pulls at the end just to – she wasn’t quite, she was nearly there but not quite, and he didn’t want me to, to over do it so [pause] he just assisted a bit at the end.

Had they talked to you about that possibility when you first went to talk to them?

No. No. But I knew what ventouse was. My husband didn’t. He was like nodding when the doctor was saying, and then he went, ‘What’s, what’s that then, what’s ventouse?’ I said, ‘It’s basically a, the things that plumbers use to unblock sinks on the, you know. And he thought I was joking until he saw it [laugh].

And what was that experience like? Was that OK for both of you?

Yeah. I was a bit concerned that she might come in, out looking like an alien with a, you know, long head or something, but she wasn’t, she wasn’t too bad.

So they, that wasn’t something that you’d sort of thought about in your birth plan..

No

..whether you were prepared to have any? Had you thought about forceps or anything either or?

No. The midwife said when the doctor was out of the room – because he sort of was coming and going – that at some stage she said, as we were getting towards when I would need some assistance, she said, ‘There might be forceps or ventouse. He might consider using one of those, well have to see. So that was the first time that I’d thought about it.

Would you have liked to think about it earlier, or did it not really..?

Not really, actually, probably not, because I’d only worry about it, and then if you, when you have to make a decision when you’re presented with the choices then it’s sort of easier, really. I was just happy to go with what they suggested, really.

And how do you feel about it now, several weeks on, looking back? Are you pleased that it went the way it did?

Yes. Yeah. I was, I was very happy that I didn’t have to have another C-section. I could have done without tearing because I did tear at the end, and the stitches but, you know, a lot of, that happens with a lot of women, doesn’t it? So.

Was that explicitly because of the ventouse, or you don’t know?

I don’t know. No

Did they suggest an episiotomy or anything or…?

He mentioned it and the midwife again said when he was out of the room that it’s better in some ways to tear than to have a cut because they heal better, tend, or tend to heal better, so.

Mm. Ok, so you went to, I guess you couldn’t feel the tear happening with the epidural?

No, not at the time. Felt it afterwards [laugh].

Yes. Not a nice experience. So, kind of, what were your emotions at the birth? Did it feel different to last time?

Yes. Yes. It was, the nice thing about it was I saw the baby straight away and they put her on my tummy, so that was, you know, nice. That was, that was lovely. Because with the caesarean they sort of, there was a screen across, so I couldn’t see what was going on during the operation. And then when she was born they took her and did the checks. So I didn’t see any of that until they brought her round to my head, so in that respect it was a lot nicer. I saw her straight away and..<

No, I think it’s important that you know why something is happening if someone suggests that they do something. For example with my induction it was only really later that I was told the statistics about what could happen to the baby if it wasn’t induced and I think as long, I think one can never be too kind of informed. I think perhaps medical people think that you, because it’s clear to them why they’re doing something, it’s probably completely obvious to them that it needs to happen, it doesn’t necessarily mean that the patient knows why. And you may have read it but you might like to be told another – you know, even if you’ve been told, you know, you want to reassured a hundred times as to why they’re doing something. So I think you can never be told too many things.

Was it quite important to you that people bothered to come round the next day and explain things to you?

Yes, I was very impressed and reassured when people came round and talked to me afterwards. Because it makes you feel that you’re less on a conveyor belt, otherwise you’re just in, you have a delivery and then you’re out. You don’t necessarily meet the people who were involved in the actual delivery in the aftercare so both can be very good but they’re not really connected necessarily. But I was impressed that the people who were involved in the delivery did sort of do the follow-up the next day, and that was very nice.

Did it help you feel okay about the fact that your birth hadn’t gone to plan because they had bothered to speak to you?

Yes, absolutely, it was very helpful that people followed it up and explained it. Especially as afterwards you’re in a much better position to be able to talk to the person and to be able to think about it. Actually I’m sure that if people tried to explain these procedure whilst you were actually in the throes of giving birth you wouldn’t actually be able to hear, you wouldn’t be interested in listening. You just want it to be over with, you just want them to get on with it. So having these sort of detailed discussions about why were doing this at that time is probably not the most appropriate. And it’s only afterwards when you can actually sit down and talk to them that that’s probably the most appropriate time to discuss it anyway.

Did you make a birth plan?

Yes, we did make a birth plan and we sort of opted to go for the minimum intervention possible, but obviously acknowledging that that might change on the, on the day. But that, yes, we were just basically sort of saying we didn’t want to have any more drugs and things than we, than we needed to.

And what actually happened on the day?

[laugh] Well, it wasn’t, it wasn’t too divergent. I did manage on a TENS machine and gas and air in terms of pain relief, which was what I was hoping to do.

But we did, because the labour got off to a good start and then slowed right down, they wanted me to have a, an artificial hormone drip to speed up the contractions. And we did go for that because it, otherwise it was, it seemed to be starting to be a slight problem for the, for the baby because it was taking too long. And in terms of the position that I had wanted, I had wanted to be quite free and able to move around, and that actually proved to be more of a problem because as the labour got progressively longer the midwife was very keen to have me wired up to all sorts of machinery. And she was far more interested in making sure that the machinery was, you know, the monitors and things were all wired up and that I wasn’t, you know, interfering with the wiring, than helping me get into a good position. So that was, that was, wasn’t really what wed intended in the birth plan.

Did you challenge her at all?

We tried to, and my husband in particular because he was obviously less involved in actually [laugh] trying to give birth. But it was quite hard to challenge her and that was, that was, I think that was difficult, given that wed been quite keen to sort of have, have a bit more control over the whole process. She kept sort of saying, almost sort of saying, ‘Well, you know, it’s your baby’s health that’s at risk. And I think in retrospect that, that was a little bit over the top, it wasn’t really that much of an issue. And when we had a different midwife for the final stage because the shifts changed she had a quite different approach, and I think if wed had someone like that a bit earlier the whole thing might have gone quicker because I would have been in a better position. And also she wasn’t particularly helpful at explaining what I needed to be doing at different points. And as soon as we got the new midwife then it was, it was a lot easier all round. So it was just a shame I think that we had that particular person who didn’t seem as helpful as other midwives that we came across.

If you were to have a second pregnancy and you found yourself in a similar situation, what, how would you handle it then?

Well, I suppose I’d try to be a bit more forceful, but obviously it’s difficult because you do to some extent have to trust their professional judgment, and if they are saying that theres a risk to the child then you do to some extent have to obviously pay heed to that. But I think they also, you know, it’s a shame if they don’t recognise that it’s, the importance of a woman being able to choose her own position and to do what feels right and what feels natural. And hopefully that message is getting across to midwives more and more anyway. I think a lot of the midwives seem to be quite, quite switched on to that.

I just feel like I shouldve had – but I suppose because my labour was so long – well, my waters broke Tuesday night and I didn’t have him till Thursday night but that was after they induced me on the Thursday evening because my, I wasn’t dilating. So I had midwives like [laughs] coming and going, and every midwife I had was, “Oh, were going to have a baby and blah, blah, blah,” and then they’d be coming back to say in four hours’ time, “Oh, I’m going home now, bye.” And it was like, “Oh no, don’t leave me, I’m having a baby,” and they’re like, “No, this one will look after you.” And it kind of went on like that for the couple of days. So it wasn’t very personal. It was more of a “You alright? Let me just check you over. Okay, see you in a little while,” and they went, sort of thing. I suppose I didn’t mind it at the time because I was with my partner and my best friend, so I didn’t feel that I being just, you know, I don’t, I didn’t feel like I was just being left to get on with it because I had them two there to support me. But I can imagine if I was in there by myself and had exactly the same treatment, I think I’d have been a mess, because they do leave you for a long while, they do – unsupervised and that.

So I was really traumatised, really upset, felt completely bullied, completely powerless. Everything I’d said they directly bare-face lied to me on numerous issues, weren’t being supportive, had told me my husband could stay through the whole procedure and now were kicking him out, totally by myself. Went on this ward, and my waters broke after only about half an hour of me being there by myself. And shed already given me a couple of sanitary towels in case my waters broke. So I went, I called the midwife and I got her, and I said, ‘My waters have broken. And she lifted up my skirt, said, ‘No, they haven’t, and walked off. I was, ‘I think I know. I’ve just been to the toilet, I’ve sorted myself out already. I’m not in a mess because I’ve just gone to the toilet and sorted myself out. I think I know. ‘No, they haven’t. So I waited a bit, and I rang the bell again and I said ‘My contractions are starting and I’m in quite a lot of pain. Can I have a TENS machine?’ ‘Oh no, they haven’t. Oh no – before my waters broke my contractions started. ‘No they’re not contractions. Well give you this. It will help you sleep and it will stop the contractions happening. ‘Hang on a minute. Haven’t you just been interfering with me completely against what I wanted to get the contractions to happen? Now they’re happening at night time, which is exactly according to the schedule that you said they were likely to happen, you’re now telling me that you’ll give me something to stop them happening and let me sleep so that it will happen in the morning because that’s more convenient for you? Thanks very much.

Anyway, I realised I wasn’t going to get any sympathy from her. I asked her to call my husband. ‘No, it’s not really proper labour yet. Well leave him to sleep. You can’t call your husband now. And at this point I didn’t want to take whatever it was she was giving me. I felt imprisoned, and I literally was. I couldn’t have walked out without getting past them. I hobbled along with my pubis symphysis pain, couldn’t get anywhere very fast at all. So I couldn’t leg it, which is what I wanted to do, and phone him. And I was literally imprisoned, with no help whatsoever. And they wouldn’t even let me call my husband to talk to him on the phone, or anybody, for that matter.

So they’d, they’d given me a TENS machine when my contractions had started but she didn’t really show me, she fitted it on me and then just sort of – obviously I was getting in the way of their chat or their magazine reading or their television watching or whatever – very sort of cursory, ‘This is what you do, OK, bye. You know, no comfort, no ‘let me stay with you for five minutes’, nothing.

Nobody else was on, in the ward. I was absolutely scared. I was scared of the whole labour process, I wasn’t very positive about, about having labour. I was very, I thought the whole thing was very daunting, and it would just be excruciating pain and I, that just had to be something I went through in order to have children, but I wasn’t very positive about it begin with. And then obviously this whole escapade and this whole psychological bullying and complete lack of support wasn’t helping. I think if, even if I’d been positive to begin with, I now wouldve been completely negative. Which, I mean, all the an-, all the evidence, you know, says, you know, that this is really, really important, that pain is a psychological experience thing as well as a physiological thing. And that if one is given support and information and emotional support and guidance, and, and somebody’s physically there with you, then that really helps. And it just stands to reason that it does, you know. Just for general life experience, if somebody is rubbing your back and saying, ‘There, there, then it makes it feel better than if you’

On day fifteen after official due date, I just came into natural labour, went into natural labour. And it was just so much better, so – obviously second babies will be easier, but I just, it wasn’t something to get worried about, went into labour, got my TENS machine at home which was much better than the one the hospital gives you, much better, that I’d bought. And

And did your doula come to the house or..?

She didn’t, because she was coming from the opposite direction so she met me at the hospital. She was actually quite concerned I was going to make it in time, because it all kicked off quite quickly. And it, it, just the whole process made me, I was, it was actually very therapeutic for me to have my second child so quickly, in a way, because it confirmed what I had thought all along. My gut feeling and what I had really sort of known, that my body is actually very healthy at pregnancy and childbirth and knows exactly what it’s doing, and can do it perfectly well with manageable pain – obviously with bits, you know, of help from a TENS machine and stuff – and my child can breathe perfectly fine, thanks very much, when you don’t cut the umbilical cord, you know, literally sort of abortively, almost. And, and you just leave nature to its own devices and my body’s fine. Now I know some peoples bodies aren’t very well suited to childbirth, and you need to have that intervention. You need to help, or else naturally speaking some women would, if we were completely left to our own devices, die in childbirth. But, you know, one should be left, you know, nature should not be interfered with unless theres a problem with it. And the whole process with the second baby was, was great.

Well, I had quite prepared myself for an induction. My mother had, has had four kids, all of which were induced. My sister, first one had to be induced. So I sort of felt it ran a bit in the family, so I was all expecting I had another five weeks to go. Three weeks till forty and two weeks till induction. So I really thought I would have a late baby. And I think I just thought that you, you know – I hadn’t really, although I’d thought I’d be late and would have to be induced, I hadn’t thought of the impact on that. It wasn’t till I was told I was being induced next Thursday that I sat down and they went through all the problems that can have, and the stages you go through, and what have you. Some do it very quickly, some take for ever –

Presumably when they’re inducing early like that it’s different to when they’re inducing for overdueness, because the chances are that you’re pretty much ready to go.

I had – the, the way they did it was exactly the same. The only difference was that normally they put in the pessaries the night before. But mine didn’t start until eight in the morning, so they didn’t want to risk it happening at, at night, so I sort of went down with the shift change in midwives. So I’m sure it was all partly to do with that as well. They want you to try and have a midwife for as long as possible, and you know, I went down at eight oclock and we started, and nothing happened, apart from I threw my guts up and spent the whole morning on the loo. But no movement at all.

That was as a result of the induction drugs?

Yeah, drugs. So I had a terrible reaction to them, and I literally, there was nothing left inside. I was either, had thrown it up or you know, been on the loo the whole time. So, and I was having sort of semi contractions, but my cervix hadn’t opened at all. And so they tried breaking my waters, which was excruciating, when there was no, you know, nothing there to really – they put in a great big needle [a plastic hook, called an ‘amnihook’] and there was nothing there to open, to let the, you know, the needle couldn’t get in. And it was excruciating, and so they put me up on a drip to try and – which was the sort of next stage. I wish I could remember all the drugs, but I can’t.

Syntocinon [oxytocin]?

Yeah, that’s right. Syntocin drip, and, but also put the epidural in at the same time, so that they could start to try breaking my waters quite early. And then once the epidural had gone in, it was quite a pleasurable afternoon. We, things were moving; the baby was being monitored. It had a, when there was room to get it in, it had a clamp on its head, to check it was all all right.

And, and things started moving really quite well. She went off to have tea, and, you know, said, “I don’t think it’s going to happen in my shift. You know, well have to get the next midwife in and introduce you to her”, and what have you, and then I suddenly said to my husband, “Something’s happening.” And it had, it was about eight centimetres, my cervix, when shed gone off, and then suddenly it all happened and twenty minutes later she popped out.

Okay. [Mitchell] works away a lot [and we live in a block of flats]. And I remember it was on a Thursday a few days before, when it was raining and thunder and lightning. And we all had to go downstairs because the fire alarms went off, which is all connected to the intercom. And we could smell smoke, and the house next door, the chimney got struck by lightning. And I think then on the Sunday night I started about quarter to 3 Mon-, early Monday morning I found a spot of blood. And I had to get [Mitchell] to double-check because I didn’st have my glasses on. We phoned up the hospital. There’s only one hospital on the whole of the [island]. We got there for 3 o’sclock. Went by taxi. And they kept me in until about half 6, 7 o’sclock in the morning. And they said everything was fine but told [Mitchell] to keep an eye on, on everything. And she was a lovely student midwife. She looked after me, everything. Then it took a couple of hours to get back home. And then I laid down and the pain started again. And while [Mitchell] was working from home he had to write down how often the pains kept coming. So by 1 o’scl-, by half past 1 I was back in hospital again. And [Mitchell] said that because obviously we don’st drive ourselves and he didn’st want to be paying too much taxi fare every time, for me to stay in the hospital. And the midwives agreed. So I stayed in the hospital. Kept getting told off because I was shouting, screaming, [laugh] and I didn’st know what to do. But I had my own room, which is what I’sd requested in my book.

And Tuesday, they put me on diamorphine. And then I started getting all funny and a bit like a zombie ooh. And then one of the doctors actually came and checked me and I was 1 centimetre dilated. So what they then decided after they gave me some more diamorphine was to put me straight into labour, cos I was in so much pain, to go straight into labour. I did want a water birth, but that wasn’st obviously able to happen. So I had to have an epidural in my back [baby crying]. And so they gave me some epidural and I was getting really, I was getting really weird. Cos I said, Bob the Builder. Can you fix it.[Laugh]. And everybody else laughed apart from the anaesthetist. So I was in labour from 2 o’sclock on the Tuesday 23rd of September and I gave birth to [Ruby] on the 24th of September. She weighed 7 pound. So she was very small. And it wasn’st easy of, easiest labours. And because I hadn’st eaten or really drank anything, I was dehydrated quite a lot. So they had to keep putting epidural in me, [baby crying] every, every couple of hours. And then they gave me some salt water. She came into the world and she was a beautiful little baby.

But, yeah, but for [Mitchell], he, he saw this beautiful little creature coming out. And it was just so amazing. And one of the things that they did do was they actually gave her straight to me, after he cut the cord they gave her straight to me. Put me, put her on there so she could smell you and everything. Cos you’sre meant to cuddle the baby or something. One of the things we got told in one of the sessions was you’sre not allowed to video the baby. We didn’st obviously. But we took pictures. And [Mitchell] took a picture of [Ruby] with gram-, his mum 7 minutes after she came out of me. And she was just such a beautiful, amazing little creature. And we were, [Mitchell] was actually crying his eyes out. And he, and if you ask him what, what the cord felt like, he will tell you it felt, it felt like, he thought it was like, was like elasticated or whatever. And I said to the midwife, He’s cutting it. He’s got no choice. [Laugh]. So obviously I don’st remember what I was saying, but obviously he does. So there are things that I still don’st remember [laugh].