Well there wasn’st a decision really you know. It wasn’st it wasn’st a decision you know, of any type, it wasn’st like I was choosing to do it. As far as I was concerned I needed to get there as quick as I could and I was, you know desperately worried because I knew, you know I could interpret the traces by that time; I you know I knew by what they were saying that things had got, you know very drastic. And what I didn’st know was also that my blood pressure had gone into the ridiculous, you know to a ridiculous level; like the lower number was something like a 120, and what I didn’st know at the time; it was only after I read my medical notes after, that I realised that was happening and in retrospect I thought how dangerous that must have been, and there must have been a worry about my health at the time. I mean they must have been really, you know very concerned that well is it a matter of you’d have a fit wouldn’st you if your blood pressure goes up that high.

And so anyway, eventually on Monday, they decided to put me on medication. And initially they said like, We’sll put you on medication. We’sll just keep you in overnight, just to make sure the medication’s had an effect on your blood pressure. And then you can probably go home tomorrow morning. And so anyway I said, Fine. So I spent my first night in hospital and I was actually quite happy, because they had the electric beds and I call pull my bed head upright and I was actually comfortable sleeping, and I was like this is great actually. I’m quite happy to be here [laughing]. And then the next morning was when it really kicked off like, so I’m sure it was about 7 in the morning. I just had this army of doctors come in and say, You’sre liver function is so far off, we have to delivery your baby today. It’s going to have to be by caesarean, because you’sre too early for any of the drugs we’sd give you to induce it to work. So basically you have to have a caesarean and your baby’s coming today, and that’s it. So I was just [blerrr] [laughs] and then I wanted it, so obviously I’sd been anticipating that someone would tell me my blood pressure was better and I could go home. And that’s what happened, and so obviously I just immediately called Michael and said, Come here now, your baby’s coming today. And then we just, the rest of that day, I think, we were just completely shell shocked. We just had a parade of, you know, anaesthetists, neonatal specialists, just every single specialist coming in and giving us information that I’m sure didn’st sink it at the time at all, and we just, you know, we were flabbergasted by all these people coming in and out and everything that was going on and all of the rest of it, and its really funny actually. I look at, we have photos from that day, and like one of the anaesthetists came in and he, Michael was all dressed up in the blues to go into surgery, and like there’s this photo of us and we’sre both smiling about this day, and I just look back at it now and think how were we smiling?’s [Laughs]. And we’sre just, I think we were just shell shocked. We just had no idea of what had hit us, you know, it was so far from what we’sd anticipated for the birth of our child. It was just bizarre.

And then I did have a bleed. So it was a case of, “OK we will continue with the induction at the moment, and you will be monitored overnight.” So, I was moved from the delivery room but still in the labour suite.

Onto the ward. And that wasI think it was between half an hour and fifteen minutes obs, so again it wasn’st a restful period. Overnight there was a deceleration where the baby’s heartbeat was lost. That was sort of middle of the night, early morning.

So again that was that. The midwife was there thankfully, it wasn’st you know all the alarms going off; the alarms did go off a few times but the midwife was actually there and that was a red button hit and everyone came running, and placed on oxygen, rolled over onto my side, and the baby’s heart rate came back, but by then I knew, ‘Right, something really isn’t, isn’t right. I was probably more aware then that things were getting serious.

That there was perhaps now going to be risks. I hadn’st felt her move as often but again I’d assumed that that was perhaps the stresses of what I was going through, that I maybe wasn’st feeling it because I wasn’st concentrating. So that kind of went on. But they decided to continue with the induction, which again at that point, was the best thing.

And that then changed in the evening. They had come round with soup and a sandwich about 6pm, and I thought, ‘OK I’ve not eaten but I’ll try soup; I know I need to for my strength and if you want me to deliver this baby I’m going to have to try and build my strength up and that.” I managed one spoonful of soup and projectile vomited everywhere which is embarrassing for me because I had no you know it just happened. And then it wasn’st till you know I kind of looked and I thought, ‘It’s black and it’s like lumpy and, you know what’s going on?’ So, I was still hooked up to the CTG machine as well, it was like, oh you know, I can’t get up to clean it, and the midwife came and it was a case, “OK we’ll get you cleaned up,” and stuff; didn’st seem overly concerned at that point.

Until it happened again and it was a different midwife who then went and spoke to the consultant there, and I believe that’s when he came and checked and said there was fluid on the lungs. My tests, my blood tests still weren’t showing everything, that I had sepsis and they started the Sepsis Six treatment.

So that was more medications and things.

So I was in a room of four and I felt like I was going to spontaneously combust, that’s how it felt. It felt like I was on fire from the inside. So I went into the sitting room area and opened the window and I literally just hung out of the window in February because I was so hot.

I thought, I just thought I was going to be sick; I was going to pass out and the end of it I fainted.

Oh gosh

And they came and got me and they rushed me down to intensive care. And I don’st really remember much about it. I know that I remember being whisked on a trolley through the corridors and I knew that I was down the stairs in the obstetrician unit, and I knew everybody was fussing around me.

And they had that monitor on constantly you know blowing automatically, blowing it up, checking it had blown up and checking it, and it was something 200 odd over and I was just like, “Do you know I didn’st know you could go that high.” You know what I just wasn’st aware of it. Anyway everything seemed to calm down, and the next day I was back up on the ward, and I felt, ‘Whoa that was just a wee blip.

But they moved me from that day, they removed me to my private room right opposite the nurse’s station, and I was like, “Why am I in here?” and they’re like, “Because you are the illest woman in here,” and still that message didn’st get through. I know I’d felt a bit hot; I know I’d but I didn’st feel ill.

We can’st leave you any longer. You’sre not well at all. So they sort of said, Well we’sll plan to take you to theatre. We’sll get baby out. So in between him sort of going out, making notes on this, that and the other, [daughter] went into distress. So all the monitors started going berserk because her heart rate dropped right down for quite a long time. So at that point the midwives just took my husband out the room and said, You need to go and get gowned up. She’s going to theatre now. And they said, Whether you come in or not, it depends whether we can get a spinal into her or whether she’s going to have to go to sleep. Because they didn’st know at that point. So we ended up in theatre so quickly I can’st believe how fast it happens. Ended up in theatre. [Daughter] was delivered and there was meconium which is why she’sd gone into distress so she came out, but didn’st do anything. So she then had to be resuscitated, in front of us, which was horrific.

I was in hospital for two weeks again. But during the two weeks’ time I was in and out of HDU. There was a point when they can’t control my blood pressure took me to HDU for one night. They kept an eye on me a bit more on HDU, there’s one to one, and then I think the next day blood pressure was stable, they decided me todecided for me to go back to the ward. So there’s a few scares that I had to go back down to HDU and thinking, ‘This is it, this is it.

But then blood pressure got controlled, went back to the ward , and then a couple of days later I had to go back down to HDU and yeah.

And the consultant came and said, “Now that you’sve reached 30 weeks I think this is the best time to get the baby out; we can’t control the blood pressure anymore. And we’ve reached 30 weeks, so we’ll just do it.” Mm and of course the baby’s stopped growing as well.

OK

Well the growth is slow, and I thought maybe that OK fine, if the baby’s in danger inside me. And we had because they were continuing with my CTG.

The heart rate dropped several times so they were concerned about that as well.

I think at that point you’sve got no real you’sve got no knowledge to I mean I just trust I like people to trust me as a teacher, so I trusted them that they knew what they were doing. And I remember [doctor’s name] coming back in and he said to me, “I wanted to do this section but I’m not allowed; I’ve got to pass you on to my boss. It’s too cut and dry and we’ve got to get it out now.” But they couldn’st get the spinal in either and it took them four attempts for the spinal, and they got to the fourth one and they said, “We’re going to have to phone for the senior anaesthetist to come,” and she just as he walked in she popped it right in, and I remember the consultant said, “Hurry up, get that in, get it in now, we’ve got to get going, we don’st have time for this.” So, it’s funny I do remember bits that it was quite time pressured, but then we had [member of staff] the orderly who was asking me what music I wanted to choose. So, I was aware that they were trying to keep it very calm and let’s have some Christmas music, and it was all very calm but I remember the consultant getting really snippy with the anaesthetist saying, “Just get it in because we’ve got to go.”

I can remember going into the room and I can remember sort of looking at all the people and thinking oh my God, and I can remember thinking, oh this is getting a bit serious because one of the anaesthetists or someone came in and said, Oh we’sve, we’sre put out a page for maternal haemorrhage, because we want everyone to come here now. And so then they don’st listen to any pages unless we do something really dramatic, so yes. So there were all these people sort of came rushing in at one point, like almost with lunch on their faces kind of thing, going, Where’s the haemorrhage? Where’s the haemorrhage? And they were like, Oh yes, no, its here, we just needed you to come now. We need to do this baby now kind of thing [laughs]. I can remember lying there thinking, oh it must be getting serious now, they really want him out now, kind of thing. But they were all extremely kind of relaxed in terms of talking to me and that sort of thing and, and as I say, [husband] came in, he couldn’st stay for the surgery, but I remember him coming in, and they said, Okay we’sre going, you know, we’sre going to start giving you something now. And I can remember it. It being given to me, and almost immediately feeling woozy and saying, Oh my God.

They were very good actually. They, they told us about, you know, obviously they can’st speak in specifics until a baby’s born, but they, they gave us information about a baby born at 29 weeks gestation, you know, the main concern that we have is for the lungs. I’sd had steroids already to already to address, you know, to certainly try and address that issue. They explained to us about some of the likely medication and machinery that, that you’sd probably have to go on and you know, how they would sort of deal, deal with the baby in theatre and then take her away and that sort of thing. So, and actually that was really good, because when, I didn’st see her for quite a while, because they wouldn’st let me off of the delivery suite. But when my husband went upstairs and they were using terms like, oh this is the CPAP machine’s, he knew what that was and why they were using it. He already knew that and although it was still a big shock for him to see, you know, our daughter in that sort of situation, he did understand what everything was, and why it was there. So I’m really glad that we had someone come and speak to us actually, because, I would, I think otherwise I would have just been completely freaked out and you know, what’s going on, sort of thing. But because they’sd talked to us about what you know, a baby at 29 weeks gestations is generally what their condition generally is, it wasn’st such a shock.

How did they make the decisions?

Well I don’st think there were any options. It was get baby out as soon as possible. They were trying to gauge the approach to take to get baby out. We weren’st given the option not to do it, only forms to consent to doing what needed to be done.

So I didn’st think there were any options but I can’t imagine myself ever saying, “No, don’st do that,” because obviously the risk is that the baby’s going to die.

And what was the role of your husband in all this? So, it must be a very challenging situation?

Yes, yes. He did ask about the blood pressure; what should it be. He kept a very close eye on it. He would answer a lot of the questions on my behalf and I’d correct him [laughs]. He didn’st actually look at the consent papers I don’st think, that was given to me which is right but equally I don’st think I was really in the right position to sort of digest it properly, but at the same time what options what are there? They can’t my husband shouldn’st be reading and signing on my behalf, and unless I didn’st want to go ahead with it there was little option other than to sign it.

I remember Stephen being on the left hand side of me just holding my hands. So, I was like this and I remember him holding my hand. And justI mean we just chatted; it was over with before we even knew, and compared to the second time it was much faster. It was kind of like, “Oh it’s a boy.” We were like, “My god have you started?” So, I had like I remember not having any I remember them doing the spray test and then the next thing Alex was here, and again in comparison to the second section it was much, much faster. It was like ages before [second son’s name] was actually born before the time it was like, ‘Oh right, eventually he’s here,’ whereas with Alex it was definitely I got the spinal, they did the test and then he was here.

Mm. And how did it feel that sort of quickness? So, it seems like

I thought that was normal.

ThingsOK

That was just normal to me, and actually when they they were taking ages with [second son’s name]. I was like, “God, is everything alright?” but I realised that that was normal, and the speed at which they did the first one wasn’st normal. And again I have no idea what the time was; maybe it wasn’st that fast but I do remember thinking, ‘My god like’ again because you don’st feel anything, it’s a bit surreal, and I remember them like, “Oh, it’s a boy,” and I was like, “Oh my God.” So and it’s only in comparison to the second one to realise how quick that first one was.

But and then was an issue of the fact that there was no there were no operating theatres available you know, so I was kind I felt that it really did feel that night that we were up against it. And I a Doppler scan and there was a real clear sound of the dip in the heartbeat going much, much slower, and so I’d also only just, a few hours beforehand, had the injection for thinning my blood, so they said, “Well we can’t do anything until, you know until you get over that anyway; until your blood starts to thicken up again.” So, anyway this all went on for, you know most of the night until about four in the morning where they rushed me, or I rushed, I ran, to a into an operating theatre and he was yeah he was delivered in about four minutes.

I think that again, you know I just wonder about those decisions that were made at the time about [son’s name] welfare and my welfare, and whether they were having to having to balance somehow the fact that I was needing this blood clotting thing to work. Had they given me blood clotting probably I can’t remember, I don’st know. That they were, you know just waiting for my blood count to rise was it? My blood count to rise, something, I can’t again I can’t remember the technical aspects of it. And that was what was actually holding it up in the end. So, I was having, you know consent forms put at me; I had something in my arm here and something in my arm you know it was literally it was so much happening and I was on my own it was you know I’d had a lot of friends and family visiting all the time but here I was just on my own surrounded by a lot of doctors, a lot of nurses, a lot of midwives.

The section monitoring, when I came out of theatre it was every five minutes, and all I wanted to do was just to have peace. By this point I had been up for forty eight hours and just wanted I wanted to be with my baby but that was impossible, and I just wanted to sleep. And you don’st rest when you’re being poked and prodded. I get now why they had to do it, but again that wasn’st really explained to me at the time. I think and maybe, maybe it’s a good thing they do play it down; if they’re worried about your blood pressure and your heart rate they don’st want to have you unduly worried by saying, “We need to do these obs because things can get worse after delivery.” I think for me the moment our daughter was born the anaesthesiologist told us this as well, is my stats immediately started stabilising; my colour changed; I felt better in myself whether it’s psychological or not I don’st know, but you know when your body’s reacting like that you think, ‘OK, that was the right decision, now let me heal, let me get better,’ and so, I think if I was stabilising they probably didn’st want to give me any undue worry.