My biggest fear was when I first came out of hospital with this terrible scar, you know, I thought to myself, you know, ‘it’s awful’, it was dreadful, ‘how will he ever want me again?’ You know what I mean? But hes been very understanding, my husband, whereas a lot of husbands wouldn’t be and it has not bothered him at all. You know, he said ‘as long as you’re all right and you’re still with us, I’m not worried. He said ‘I just want you to get yourself better.

My own image of my body was horrendous for weeks and weeks and my husband was always very reassuring and he would say to me ‘you don’t have to wear your wig, you know’, when we went to bed. And you think ‘well it is a bit silly isn’t it wearing a wig in bed’ but, you know, you’re.. I was so thin and scrawny and, that you don’t really feel attractive even if you felt you had the energy for a wildly exciting sex life, you don’t, you, you often have to make yourself remember that this is quite an important part of your life and that if you don’t preserve it, it isn’t going to come back when you feel alright;

I think that’s really the way it’s affected it, that often you maybe find yourself perhaps with less enthusiasm than you might have, but you know there is going to come a time when you are going to feel better, but as you get older you might think, ‘gosh I let this go’ and so perhaps more self-consciousness about it. But mostly, largely because it’s very difficult, it’s been very difficult for me to think that I want to be seen outside of voluminous night-dresses or pyjamas, you know, terrible, pancake bottoms and things.

After I had my treatment I was, at first I was told they were going to leave the cervix. And then I was told that the cervix had been taken away, so I wouldn’t have to have any more smear tests or anything. But then, not really being a medical person I didn’t quite know what was going to happen then if I did have sexual intercourse, because would the vaginal channel be big enough, for one thing, or would I tear? Or I didn’t know what was at the end of it. But I was told that, yes it would, it was quite sufficient, it would be long enough to take the length of a penis, if you see what I mean;

And the first time I was a wee bit wary of it because I was scared that I was going to burst or, you know, it would be to the end and I kept asking, ‘What does it feel like to you? Do you feel you’ve come to a barrier or something?’ But I mean you don’t, you just feel normal, to them, you know, to the male. They didn’t find anything different about it. It’s just in your mind you’re expecting like the finger of a glove, that you come to the point at the end of it and you think, ‘oh it doesn’t go any further’, it doesn’t work like that. So you do have plenty of space, but then I didn’t know that, I was quite, quite unsure of what they had done;

Sexually, yeah, sex isn’t easy for me, you know. It hurts actually and so, yeah, the enjoyment of sex isn’t as good as it used to be for, you know, me and my partner, me and my husband, you know. We do other things’ We can have fun. You know, you can love each other, can’t you? Caress each other and, you know, so you might not actually make, have intercourse as often as you used to but were getting older anyway.

There is one side effect that is quite embarrassing to talk about but I feel that perhaps it should be noted. It’s to do with the sexual side. My husband found that, how he described it as it was empty, and we did find it very difficult, and it maybe that other people perhaps don’t know about that side of things and feel perhaps they’re the only ones. But there are other ways, but that was a comment that he did say, and it did make him impotent for a couple of years. Hes fine now, and as I said, there are other ways, and I find it difficult to talk about but it is something that perhaps people might like to know.

Would you be prepared to say if you’ve had any physical problems in your relationship as a result?

None at all. That wasn’t affected in any way whatsoever. But I know it’s an area that’s not addressed very often. I distinctly remember in the hospital, the doctors asking one seventy-eight year old lady down there if she was still having sexual relations, but they didn’t ask me, and they didn’t, they didn’t cover any psychosexual issues at all. Which is quite a big omission really, because for some people they might not be as fortunate as me and it could be a huge problem, but fortunately it’s not been for me.

Probably I’m very lucky because I was married for five years before it happened to me, have a very, very loving and supportive husband, so perhaps I’m one of the lucky ones in the respect that he loved me for who I was and didn’t mind my scar and everything, and luckily as well, I presume, the actual sex wasn’t sore or difficult or anything like that so it made it easier for me and luckily it felt kind of the same. It was just, you know, maybe the first few times was difficult because you had this big scar. But at the end of the day, because I had a loving husband that was prepared to just say ‘well, you know, it’s only a scar, as long as you’re here, whatever.

Well my husband and I had to go through six cycles of IVF. IVF in itself is something which can cause a bit of tension between a couple because you are on an emotional roller coaster during that treatment. And prior to having IVF I think the actual fact of trying for a family and looking at temperatures, times of the month and things like that, that can cause some tension as well between the couple.

However whenever I was diagnosed with cancer obviously that put an end to all of that and after my physical recovery from the hysterectomy my husband and I resumed a very normal and very happy sexual relationship and emotional relationship. And I would say, if anything, having been through the trauma of infertility, of IVF, of being diagnosed with cancer and all the emotions that come with that, and all the fears and anxieties, our relationship has strengthened because we came through it all together.