But thenanother thing that I remembered waswhere I worked I’d got this nickname of shuffler and I really didn’t know why.I didn’t know what that was about or anything it was just I just thought it was something people, you know, decided they were going to call me that but it dawned on me afterwards that I was probably not walking properly for quite a long time before I was diagnosed.So that I picked up this nickname of shuffling because I tended to shuffle more than normal which annoyed me because I was a soldier and I, you know, used to pride myself on being upright and walking properly and etcetera but.So that was probably six or seven years before I was diagnosed that that happened.And with hindsight again I can see areas of my life where my co-ordination wasn’t as good as it had been previously but I’d just put that down, you know, to to middle-age and getting a bit older and.But apparently I, you know, I don’t think it was, it was probably the early signs of Parkinson’s.

Well, from the word, basically from the word go, I was working at BMW at the time. Which I’d been there 30 odd years, well not for BMW, but Rover, British Leyland etc etc etc, and I started noticing that my arm was shaking and I was dropping tools and things like that and then, at the same time I was running, I used to be a fast runner, and all of a sudden, virtually overnight I just decreased and decreased, and they were sort of telling me to move my arms and I just couldn’t. So I knew something was wrong then, and about a week or two later I went to my doctor who then referred me to the hospital.

Then about a month, a month or two later, I got the appointment through and I went down there and I didn’t, when he actually told me that I was, had mild Parkinson’s I didn’t sort of, I didn’t sort of grasp on me, until I got home and I told the wife, and she said, well I knew, I suspected it anyway So did all my running colleagues.

Two years ago this June we were on holiday in Turkey and I was sitting round the swimming pool in the hotel and, a young student doctor came up to me and out of the blue he said to me, I’ve been watching you, I think you’ve got Parkinson’s DiseaseAnd he proceeded to examine me by the pool.And I was, obviously because I didn’t believe him and I was quite shocked, and heexamined me and he confirmed thathe, he thinks I should see me doctor when I come back to England because he was pretty convinced I had Parkinson’s. He was in his final year of medical college.That ruined the rest of the holiday because we were there for two weeks and that was the second day.

I think that his diagnosis was based mainly onwatching me walk around the, the pool area, the slowness.And then obviously by the standard examination practice that heperformed.

Well thinking back the first time [my husband] mentioned that he’d noticed something was wrong he said when he was in the shower he felt, it was different the way he was washing his hair. He couldn’t reach up properly and, but he didn’t know what was the problem he said he felt it was, he was disconnected somehow he said it was almost as if he couldn’t do what, what he wanted to do.couldn’t really explain any reason for it, didn’t, mention it again for a little while, and then he mentioned it again, this feeling of being disconnected with his left side.He’s the sort of person that never goes to the doctors, but he said, Well, you know, perhaps I should go and see what, what the problem isSo again not really too concerned so he made an appointment and then, I can remember just before he went for the appointment we went tothe seaside for the day with the family, and I was sitting on the beach and he walked back to the car to get something and it, as he walked back to the car it struck me how when he was walking along his left arm didn’t swing. He wasn’t walking as naturally perhaps, you know, as other people.So anyway I didn’t say anything to him and we went along to his GP, had a chat with him and his GP said, I’m going to refer you to a neurologist

My husband died in 1995, I think it was about 1997 that I was diagnosed with coeliac disease.But then I continued to be a bit weak.And thenI noticed that I was becoming very clumsy, I was bumping into things.Andone day a colleague was walking with me and he said, Why are you walking in that silly way?So I obviously had a changed gait.I hadn’t really noticed it particularly, but I did.And then later on I found that I couldn’t control my writing.My writing was getting smaller and I went to the doctor for, for various tests.Well, I actually went to the doctor and my GP didn’t think I had anything wrong with me, because she thought it was all due to my bereavement that I had these symptoms.But I knew that there was something wrong.

Anyway so I had this altered gait.I can’t quite explain it, but I wasn’t really walking straight.It was as if my centre of gravity was in a different place, was pulling me away.So I wasn’t walking properly.Then I had this writing.It was becoming more and more difficult to control my writing and I went to the hospital for various tests.I wish I could remember the name, butI can’t remember the name of this test on your brain.But anyway the tests were, were fairly negative.

But then I was reading a book by Jacqueline du Pré,an autobiography of Jacqueline du Pré, and it said,talking about her father she said, Then my father’s writing began to get smaller and he was diagnosed with Parkinson’s.This was the first time I had assimilated the idea of Parkinson’s to my, my condition.I hadn’t thought of Parkinson’s.

I first suspected about four and a half years ago that something was wrong because when I was cleaning my teeth I felt I didn’t have the same control over the toothbrush and then I noticed my handwriting was getting quite poor.I thought it was because I used the computer a lot but, you know, that it wasn’t that. And my arm and my shoulder were quite painful persistently.I went to the GP several times and they said it was a frozen shoulder and it would go away, and it didn’t. And so I went to the physiotherapist and I told her that my arm didn’t feel right as well, and I think she suspected that it was something more than just the frozen shoulder, and by this time so did I because having worked with older people in my job. There was all sorts of possibilities and things going through my mind that it could’ve been. But I tried to think, ‘no that it wouldn’t happen to me.

Well I went to another GP, even after seeing the physio and she said it was a frozen shoulder and if it didn’t get better they would try an injection. So another few weeks went by. Went back to the physio and she said, Well go to this other GP whos got an interest in neurology.So off I went and he, within [clears throat] a couple of minutes he, you know could tell and the last thing he did was make me walk towards the door and I didn’t swing my left arm. And he had a student with him as it happened and I could hear them sort of talking to each other and he just came out and he said, I think you’ve got Parkinson’s.And it was such a shock even though I knew it was going to be something, I even thought it could’ve been something worse.

Well, the first thing I noticed was my typing going quite badly wrong on my laptop computer. I was getting extra spaces between words and sometimes in the words themselves. So I got a new laptop, and it went on happening. At which point I began to think it might be me rather than the machine. Around the same time my walking began to get very stiff, a bit like Groucho Marx, and I didn’t connect that with the typing but it was disconcerting. I thought, “Am I nervous or what?” you know, slightly weak at the knees. It felt as if I was being tense about something but I, indeed I was because all this was happening very shortly after our younger daughter had a serious road accident which left her with a head injury from which shes since made a very good recovery, but at the time it was very worrying. And it felt as if these symptoms were appearing as a result of the stress of that.

Anyway, the next thing was my handwriting getting terribly small. It looks as if it’s , well, it did then, it looked as if it was a mouse trying to write a letter. And then I found it getting more difficult to handle food with a knife and fork so that, you know, a plate of bacon and eggs was a kind of challenge in a way that it had never been before. I was a great, fast eater always shovelling food into my mouth and suddenly I was actually reduced to going like this. And there were other symptoms of that sort. And I went to the dictionary, to the encyclopedia quite early on and looked up Parkinson’s disease thinking, “This to me feels like what Parkinson’s disease might feel like”. And sure enough I had about three quarters of the symptoms. So I mentioned this to my GP and I said, you know, “I, it’s coming and going, I haven’t got this permanently. It’s , it comes and goes”. And he said, “ Well, I think in that case it won’t be Parkinson’s And in any case you’re too young”.

Oh I think all my life I’ve always found it a little bit more difficult to be coordinated.I’ve always felt I’ve had to push myself just a little bit harder.Things didn’t, weren’t.I could run but I ran awkwardly.I never felt,I never felt my body was put together properly.

And then I was walking one day and a girlfriend said, What’s with you, you’re walking peculiarly And I thought I’d had a minor stroke down one side of my body, one leg, just felt longer or shorter than the other.I couldn’t even decide which.So she said, Well pull yourself together, walk properly. it’s only because you’re walking peculiarly that it feels like thaSo I pulled myself together and walked properly.

But gradually bits of me started to shake, of, my left arm started to shake and I, when I went to bed at night I lay on top of it, to stop it shaking.And nobody had noticed much.And then in February 2000 I woke up one morning, I didn’t have a voice at all.It had just completely vanished, which is a tiny bit unfortunate when you’re a deputy head teacher.And gradually things, well in the end my girlfriend says, packed me off to the doctor. So the doctor says, it’s your nerves and gave me valium, which is lovely because I shared it round the girlfriend.Everybody likes a bit of valium.But it didn’t do me any good at all.The shakes didn’t work at all, didn’t, stop, stop them.And things just got worse and worse.And it, it got so, it became obvious, I started to drop things, I started to drop cups of coffee.I’d go to pick something up, I’d pick it up and next thing I knew it was on the floor.And I didn’t know how it had got there.It was, and it begun to interfere with my life.

And things like if I was on, I did a bit of orienteering and climbing and things, and I fell and broke my knee.And, I suddenly knew why I’d fallen, it was my grip had suddenly gone and I wouldn’t normally fall.And I’m storing up a whole catalogue of, of things that I knew weren’t working properly and so I was able to cover up and hide from other people, because I was a single mum living with two kids who were much too busy leading their own lives to notice old mum. And it worked, I just managed to cover it up.

But in the end I made an appointment with the doctor and just, Listen I think there’s something much more serious wrong than, than, I know you’re a good listener and you’ve listened to everything, but I haven’t told you everything.I mean, if I I’m absolutely honest And so we came to an agreement that I would go and see a neurologist.