So planned caesarean?

It was a planned C section yeah. And then that was when it got really hard wasn’st it, I mean before, like I said before when I went down, before I went down to theatre, you know, met up with mum down in the, in the waiting room cos I’sd organised for everybody to be there. There was both my mum and dad, Simon’s mum and dad all of my brothers and sisters as well as Simon’s because we didn’st know, we didn’st know the outcome of what was going to happen and I wanted them all to be able to see him, you know, at least if they could see him then if anything did happen they would have seen him. So that was one of my stipulations of when I went in I was like please just book the day off, I mean [son]’s birthday falls on my sisters birthday and that had gotta be possibly the hardest birthday card I had ever wrote. Because I’sd got, I bought her an Auntie card and I write it from [son] and I turned round I’sd said like to Si and I said to my mum, I said don’st give to her, I said not until we know [son]’s here, please don’st give it to her. So I went down to theatre, I’sd already asked my mum if we was going to be organising a christening or a funeral because we just didn’st know, you know, I didn’st know, I didn’st know what to expect, I didn’st know what he was going to look like, I didn’st know if he was going to come out breathing for himself I was, I just, I just didn’st know. So I went down to theatre, I made sure, you know, I had a spinal, see so Simon could be there as well cos, you know, to me that was where he needed to be. So [son] was born wasn’st he, he was born at nineteen minutes past twelve weighing 7lb 12 ounces. So he was a nice, he was a nice weight considering we was told we was expecting a four and a half pound, five pound baby so Si always blames the ice cream. But then I mean [son] he didn’st cry, he didn’st cry at all to start off with and I mean I turned round and I said to Simon I said to him I said, He’s dead isn’st he? He aint made it? And that was when he started pulling all the blues back wasn’st it so that he could show me that [son]’s legs was moving and that feeling when I seen him kicking about that feeling it was yeah it was just, I knew then that we’sd got that little bit of light, I knew. And then the consultant popped his head over, you know that delivered [son] and he was like he’s breathing, he’s breathing for himself.

* Exomphalos
An abdominal wall defect, that occurs when the baby’s tummy wall does not develop fully in the womb. Some of the baby’s intestines and sometimes other organs such as the liver, develop outside the tummy and are covered by the umbilical cord.

Harry: 20 minutes up until point of delivery it would have been exactly the same process.

Michelle: Any other birth, any other induction.

Harry: As anybody else who was being induced.

Michelle: Absolutely.

Harry: Exactly the same although.

Michelle: Which I really did appreciate actually.

Harry: I suppose the one, the one variant was the midwife was a little bit inexperienced so she got a little bit nervous about breaking, breaking waters.

Michelle: Yeah we had to get other people, other people coming in and do those bits and pieces.

Harry: But apart from that, and then just as you go contraction getting bigger and all the rest of it the senior midwife who was giving you strict orders, she was not very good at following orders-

Michelle: Yeah she came in, she was great.

Harry: And actually got a bit of focus going and they all came in.

Michelle: They did file in didn’st they. They were all waiting outside the door.

Harry: Most discrete I think there was four of them, didn’st know how many of them they just came in and were kind of doing whatever they were doing, kind of noise going on the usual kind of amazing experience and they just filed in and they just stood in the corner faced, faced the

Michelle: Prepared their incubators, prepared their scrubs who were getting ready.

Harry: Faced the wall and it was, you wouldn’st have noticed they were there at all.

So went up to [specialist surgical centre] and they did the scan on me and they said you need to have her now and you’sre gonna be induced now so go over to the birthing suite,’s and I said to [husband] I knew it.s So went in there and I was induced just with a pessary and at 36, 37 weeks I was just dead on 37 weeks had a couple of steroid injections and so it was all systems go. But because I was only 37 weeks and I just had the induction they left me for one day monitored up and then my contractions started within about 12 hours so I was quite lucky that worked. And I remember it was Wednesday afternoon that I got induced I had her on the Friday morning it must have been the Wednesday night cos I sent everyone home and I was sitting up cos I was monitored constantly and I just had a little moment to myself, one of the midwife’s caught me crying and cos I was just a bit overwhelmed because I was thinking, I didn’st want anyone to catch me crying but it wasn’st that I wanted attention I was just on my own in my little, my little curtains round my bed and just didn’st really, I just thought what’s to come I didn’st know if she was going to live I didn’st know what was going to happen to me, never given birth before. And I’sd already been told I was not having any pain relief really other than gas and air so that kind of fear, cos I’sd never done it before. And it was a busy, busy night in that place and that just scared me even more cos I could hear screams and stuff. But this midwife came across me, she was called [midwife], she was absolutely amazing and she just sat down held my hand and she went I’m having a break in a minute I’m gonna come back and have my break with you.s So we had a cup of tea together and she said to me I promise you if you give birth overnight in the next couple of nights I will make sure I deliver your baby cos I’m on nights.s So cos I’sd told her how I felt, I felt like someone knows what’s going on. And so my contractions started the next day and they were going stronger and stronger and stronger and I got finally moved to my own room and they were coming in all the time, I didn’st really know how close I was, but they examined me and said Oh you’sre only 1cm,’s only 1cm, they’sre coming like every five seconds, you know.

And when I got to my own room I realised then, cos afterwards they told me they were keeping me back because they wanted me in the room closest to intensive care unit so that they could get her in there but I didn’st know that at the time. And so I got in there and I had my mum and [husband] with me, my husband, and then I got to the point where I was saying I want an epidural and they were saying you can’st have one, you can’st one and I was like, great, but it got to the point were I said to my mum I need to push I was screaming, you know, I need to push and no-one was in the room just me and mum. And this is, I’sd suffered with it with this pregnancy like being really anxious and fearful of this birth because of mainly cos of this bit but no-one believed me that I needed to push. And I remember the midwife saying to me You don’st need to push,’s and saying to my mum She doesn’st need to push, she’s just a first time mum and she’s had enough.s And I remember my mum who’s quite, quite prim and proper normally shouting at her saying If my daughter says she needs to push she needs to push just check her.s Cos I remember thinking at this point feeling like I was holding her back and thinking I cannot have her in this room with just me and my mum cos [husband] had gone off somewhere, because she needs help and there’s no-one here and I don’st know what to do and no-one believed me it was so frustrating cos I was strapped to a bed and I couldn’st, I couldn’st even shout, cos you know, the contractions. My mum did the shouting for me and the midwife checked and I remember her the midwife’s face almost going into a bit of like yeah you do need to push and then she made a phone call and a tannoy announcement came out which I heard which said basically neonatal crash team to my room and that made me worse cos I thought oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, you know. So then out of like a shining light Out a shining light, [midwife] just appeared in the room and at that point I closed my eyes cos there was about ten people in there and I just thought I can’st keep looking at everyone in here. And she just took over and I remember her saying [Name] it’s [midwife] I’m here I told you I’sd be here’s and I just thought right I can do this now and she talked me through, you know, giving birth, gave birth and [daughter] just got taken straight off and I went into a bit of shock afterwards cos I’sd, I just thought I’sve never shaken like that before, but she bear hugged me like that and cos everyone had gone with [daughter], which is what I expected, I didn’st want anyone with me but she stayed with me, bear hugged me and that made me stop shaking cos I was shaking so much I was going to fall off the bed.

And I know it was a long time ago but can you remember what the room was like were there a lot of people in there?

Alison: Yes, yes there were three paediatric doctors.

Martin: You wrote it down didn’st you.

Alison: Wrote it down, and two paediatric nurses and somebody else I can’st remember who else and plus ourselves so. And I remember there was a door at the bottom with a window and I remember people looking, medical, you know, medical staff looking through the window as well so it felt a bit like a, Euston Station with everybody looking and whatever and that I think was because it was so unusual, you know, that there was a lot of interest really. So yes there were a lot of people in the room.

Okay, was that reassuring or did that just feel a bit invasive?

Alison: It felt quite invasive really.

Was your husband in the room?

Yeah, which I think was a bad idea on reflection. But yeah, I think for people waiting at home and that kind of stuff, I think it was really very hard. And I ended up losing a lot of blood and I had to have two blood transfusions, which complicated matters as well. But before, beforehand they’sd said, you know, that my husband would be able to basically, follow my daughter around once she was born and, you know, even though obviously I couldn’st go, that he could follow her everywhere, which was great because at least, I mean there’s no, it’s not natural to have your child, basically, you know, Here’s your baby. And I think I was allowed to, you know, kind of pet her a bit but it was like, Here’s your baby. Oh stop, you know, now we have to take her. Which I knew was going to happen but it’s not, it’s not natural. But the fact that my husband could go with her and I knew he was right next to her, that made a big difference I think.

Hayley: And it’s really strange because when you’sre pregnant you do you focus so much on the Exomphalos* and what it’s gonna look like and how you’sre gonna feel when you see it and I don’st even remember seeing it, do you?

Thomas: I do a little bit, but it wasn’st the, it wasn’st the main focus.

Hayley: No which was just strange because when you’sre pregnant that’s all you think about.

Thomas: It just looks like a water ball in that sort of way, that’s what it looked like. I looked at in the first instance and then it was more the focus was on him, if you know, cos he wasn’st breathing properly.

Hayley: Yeah.

Thomas: In that respect. I think that was the first indication that there was, there was trouble with his lungs.

* Exomphalos
An abdominal wall defect, that occurs when the baby’s tummy wall does not develop fully in the womb. Some of the baby’s intestines and sometimes other organs such as the liver, develop outside the tummy and are covered by the umbilical cord.

Antonio: Right, which probably I was lost in translation I didn’st understand what was going on but I saw [mother-in-law]’s reaction just leaving the room and shouting crash team please come. But then because I was helping Alix coming off the pool I had the, well the whole stage in front of me and I saw just that little head coming out was all covered in very black or creamy consistency, I don’st know it was just all, his face swollen.

Alix: Swollen.

Antonio: Swollen and covering this liquid. But then when they said meconium because I heard one of the nurses saying he’s covered in meconium as the follow. following phrase from crash team please come in. I thought no this is just meconium because we had been in the NCT classes and we knew those things could and I know that it’s a normal condition and that will not require much intervention. So I was, I was quite relaxed after I heard just the meconium phrase but again we were not listening a cry yet. So I came closer to the baby because our plan was that the baby was going to come out and I was going to help cut the cord and so on but then the next thing that I saw.

Alix:and hold him for a while, so connected

Antonio: But then the next thing that I saw was a group of probably two or three people coming into that place and then probably the next contraction came and the baby just, plop, [slap] went down there on the bed and I saw all the blood and it was just a face covered in meconium but the rest of the body was like covered in butter and then all these team that came closer just started to follow their procedures and cut the cord and not even asking a question, not even asking for who are you, nothing to me just did what they needed to do. And took [son] to the well I don’st know this is a small unit that they, by good luck it was just outside the room where we were so it was quite easy to bring that. But by that time it wasn’st only the midwives and these other 3 nurses it was probably a team of eight or ten people inside the room. So we were quite shocked we didn’st understand what was going on.

Alix: I didn’st, again I didn’st understand anything because in the room, you know, the pool was in the main bit of the room, the bed was at the side, I was knelt, because I was now in the back of it I was facing into the corner and all I knew was he, you know, sort flop I could feel that flop.