So how involved were you in the delivery do you feel?

On the actual?

With decisions?

Yeah. I would say they were very good in terms of letting me carry on with’ because I was overdue I actually went to see them the week before I went in for induction and they were quite keen to get me induced earlier and I was keen to wait. And they allowed me to do that. So I feel that they did listen to my best interests of what I wanted. And then actually when I went in for the induction because they felt it was getting to the stage where it needed to really be progressed’ they were very good at listening to what I was saying during the time and I had a monitor put on me and’ so I did feel I was involved, it wasn’t indirect’ But at the time when I then went into the’ when I was induced and I had the monitors on I realised then I couldn’t go in to the birthing pool and so you know it threw the whole of the birthing plan out. So at that point I knew that it would be completely different to what I was expecting so but they were very good and they did continue to monitor and talk and’ yeah, I did feel involved.

Good and did you have any particular anxieties or worries about having a section?

Well because I didn’t know I was going to have that, it was literally the heart rate was reduced and that was it. I didn’t have any time to think about it and to be honest, it was one of those let the medical professionals do what they think is right, so I wasn’t nervous and I was not anxious at all when they came in and said right we’re going to just take you in for a section. I just thought ‘well that’s obviously the right thing to do and with the heart rate reduced dramatically I just wanted to get the baby out, that was the important thing.

And do you think I know it’s partly to do with the time but do you think you weren’t anxious because of the environment that had been created? Did you feel quite confident with what was going on?

I did yeah, everything was being monitored, they were doing the best they can for me to progress naturally, it wasn’t happening, I wasn’t dilating and I knew at that time that it was the right thing to do. You know it wasn’t as though they’d rushed it and said ‘oh we’re going to do it anyway, we’ve not given you an opportunity. I had plenty of opportunity throughout that twenty four hours really and it wasn’t happening.

How do you feel now about the fact that you had a section?

I think it was fantastic. I just think it was the best thing for me. And I’m, I was very happy that I’d made that decision, because the whole thing was completely stress-free. And’ I recovered really quickly. I couldn’t have asked for it to have been any better.

Was it like you thought it would be?

‘Yeah, I guess it probably was. It was as good as I’d hoped, yeah.

And is there any way that you can think that the information that you got could have been better?

Perhaps at the very, very end, you know, the The caesarean happened very quickly, which, looking back was the best way really for it to happen and, it was in no way kind of an emergency, I didn’t feel, there was no kind of stress or pressure put on me to think that this was, you know, a sort of stressful situation. It was very, very nicely done, really, if you can have a caesarean that’s nicely done. So in that sort of way’ but it just seemed to happen very quickly, you know. One minute they were sort of asking me to see if you can push and then the next they were sort of ‘you know I think you’ve had it and well go for the caesarean now.

And how involved did you feel in that decision?

It happened quite quickly, I would say, and I didn’t sign anything, which I found quite interesting. There was no consent, but maybe that’s just practice, I don’t really know.

Well, I was very keen to have a natural birth, been to NCT and all that stuff and basically’ it just kind of, I didn’t dilate properly. I had the full-on contractions, they were saying’ so I basically, waters broke about five oclock on a Sunday, they were, you know the intervals apart you’re meant to go to hospital, so quite, I can’t remember if it’s two or three minutes, but quite quick. So I went to hospital about one in the morning. Then by nine the next morning still wasn’t very dilated although having the contractions, so they put on extra stuff to make you contract more, it’s, it’s written in that letter. [Oxytocin?], yeah, and I then asked for an epidural. And this is when things started to go wrong because they got a trainee to do my epidural. And basically it wasn’t in ’til about one oclock in the afternoon and basically he did eight attempts? So I wasn’t very happy about that, as you can imagine. And eventually the consultant did come and do it himself, but it’s just the way, I don’t know, the way he sort of said, well, the last time he said, ‘This is your last shot, you’re just going to have to survive otherwise and I just thought they were just very, a bit unkind considering I’d been in labour, full-on labour since, really one oclock in the morning. It’s, it’s so I wasn’t in ’til midday. Anyway, this then went on and on ’til she was in distress and that’s the- ‘ I get upset when I talk about it’

So that was seven oclock in the evening, so you’ve got to bear in mind a long, long time. And then they did the caesarean. And to be honest, that went well and everything was fine. It’s just very nerve-wracking and I actually don’t think the hospital handled it that well, personally, because I think that was too long. I wasn’t dilating, it was still only eight centimetres by that time and I just also think this whole anaesthetic thing. And then when I got my notes after, it said that the consultant had come in at one oclock, so obviously when, quite a lot earlier and they’d discussed a caesarean with the midwives but not with me. And that really annoyed me, because at that point I know I’d have said, yes, do it. And then I would have missed out, you know, her getting distressed.

Once I was in the hospital, prior to the Pethidine I just wanted any kind of pain relief, so I wasn’t paying attention, I was in labour, I was nine centimetres, I’d had nothing, so it was just like ‘I don’t care what you’re saying, just do it, just give me the shot, whatever. So if they’d have given me a fact sheet or a DVD to watch or a little talk, a little demonstration, I would not have been interested, I wouldn’t have wanted to know, ‘Just want the drugs, I want the pain relief now,’ so’ once I’m in labour I don’t want to know, I just want the pain relief.

And before you’d got to that stage, how involved would you have liked to have been in the decision process? You described it like a conveyer belt?

Yeah, before I would have liked to be a lot more involved, I would have liked to have planned, you know, so and so’s going to be with me now and were going to try this method and were going to try that method, and I would have liked to have been a lot more involved because then I would have felt more in control. Whereas once I was in labour I didn’t have any control over anything.

So the pregnancy was really easy and really smooth. And the labour, on the due date my waters broke at about midnight, which was early hours of Saturday morning, and nothing else happened. So I had a quick check-up on Saturday at teatime and they said come back Sunday to be induced. Went back Sunday to be induced and they used a pessary for the initial induction. Then obviously you couldn’t wait around on the labour ward for the induction to take effect, so they sent me to one of the other wards, which I think was a postnatal ward but it was empty. And I spent a few hours there on my own. A midwife would check me every few hours or so, but I basically got to nine centimetres without anyone with me, without any gas and air or any pain relief, because there was none available even though I wanted it. And when I was at nine centimetres they gave me a shot of Pethidine, which knocked me out, and by now it’s some time on the Sunday night. The Pethidine really knocked me out and the next few hours are a complete blur. The next thing I remember I was in the delivery suite and they were telling me I needed a drip in my arm to give me Oxytocin I think it is to speed up the contractions, so therefore I would need an epidural. Both of these things I hadn’t wanted, but told me I had to have one so I had to have one. And that made the contractions too fast so that they weren’t effective enough, so then they gave me some other drug I think to slow the contractions back down again, which’ so they slowed down. And then they said if I hadn’t progressed’ I’m still nine centimetres, I got to nine centimetres on the ward on my own, but still nine centimetres now a few hours later. So they said if you haven’t made any progress in the next two hours then well have to do a C-section. So that’s what happened.

And at the time I couldn’t argue with anyone because I was just off my head on Pethidine, but really I think’ I left the hospital healthy with a healthy baby a few days later, so I shouldn’t complain I suppose, but I feel that if the if the labour had been managed differently, if I’d had a midwife with me, if I’d had gas and air, if I’d been encouraged to be mobile rather than giving Pethidine and then just flat on my back and everything stopped, then I think I wouldn’t have needed the C-section the first time round. And I’m very squeamish and I don’t like needles so having an epidural was horrendous, and having a C-section was just a complete nightmare.

So how would you describe how you feel about that experience now looking back?

Bitter I would say, a bit angry, a bit upset that I didn’t’ that it didn’t go’ it may be that I just haven’t fully understood, perhaps the baby was in distress and I just didn’t realise at the time, perhaps they, you know, didn’t want to alarm me that that might have been why. But as far as I can see, I only had a C-section because I was induced around sort of Sunday lunchtime, got to nine centimetres, stayed at nine centimetres, because I was flat on my back with all these drugs, and then by the early hours of Monday morning, you know, I was taking up too much time, taking up too much space, ‘so if you haven’t finished in the next two hours were just going to chop it out and send you on your way,’ so’

He was’ overdue, so they actually booked me in for an induction for the twelfth day after. But I was so upset and everything, I actually went to the midwife and she said that shed do like a sweep, and that actually did the trick’ I ended up going into labour, I think it was very sort of twinges and everything were sort of like half past six in the morning. Obviously I didn’t tell my other half, and they went on through the day, and then I think it was midnight that night my waters broke and we went in. But what they found out was that my son was’ even though he was head down he was sort of back to back, but he I went in because every time I had a contraction’ his heart rate would just go. And then they- then they sort of said to me, ‘oh look, I know you’re only sort of nine, nine and half centimetres dilated, but can you give us a bit of a push”, because where he was back to back his’ the bit of the cervix was swollen on the side. So they thought well if you give a push then might be able to push it out of the way. Well, I gave a push and then obviously the midwife just all of a sudden pushed the emergency button and I got rushed in. And they did a load of tests on his head and everything, and they said that he was fine. But they said, ‘Well well wait an hour to see if you fully dilate, which I didn’t. And they said, ‘Oh, how do you feel?’, and by that time I was thinking, ‘Well, as long as hes alright I don’t care what happens. So I ended up having a caesarean and they actually said that the cord was round his neck as well. So, you know’ but it was really, really worrying actually ‘when his heart rate went, and when she just smacked the button. I can just remember just her hitting it like that (makes hitting motion with her hand) and I just’ oh, I couldn’t look at my partner. And he couldn’t look at me sort of thing, because I knew that wed both end like in tears or something, and it was just’ it was surreal becauseobviously you go through this pregnancy and it’s all okay and everything’s fine, and then it’s like you get upset because you’re overdue and everything, and then all of a sudden the thought of something happening right at the end is’ it’s ‘ that was horrible, that was the worst feeling ever, but’ yeah, that was, that’s it really [laughs].