Well when I started methadone, as I said I started off on 30 ml that was then put to 35 which was enough to hold me. So I was getting no withdrawal symptoms whatsoever physically speaking. Obviously getting a few cravings but that’s mental. It’s only recently I’ve been dropping that down. I’m down to 16 ml now a day. It’s only recently I’ve been starting to suffer withdrawal symptoms again. This is like 18 months later. Even so I’m not suffering too many. I’m feeling a bit depressed every now and again and get the shakes, lack of energy that sort of thing. But it’s not too severe, it’s cope with able. And obviously you need to carry on with that to keep coming down and eventually get off it. And because you drop down in percentages as it gets lower the amount you drop gets more if you see what I mean. So if you’re on 30 ml you take 2 ml away you’re on 28 ml but if you’re on 5ml and you take 2 ml away that’s like 40%. You know what I mean, so it’s a lot more.

Anything else that helped? Apart from the methadone of course?

I think like I say, I think the main thing for me was just having a positive frame of mind and knowing what I’d been through, what I’d lost and where I want to be and what I want to do. And I can’t describe it any better than that. It’s just a matter of keeping your head in the right place and not being tempted by people or even yourself. I mean you know, you can convince yourself you want to go and do it.

That you need to have this frame of mind that is very strong.

Yeah

In order to cope with it, the pressure.

Oh yeah it’s very difficult. I mean there’s been times where the cravings have been so bad I can actually taste heroin in my mouth. You know and yourmouth is watering because you want it that badly but you’ve got to remember that it is only a craving. It will go away. You know it only lasts 10 or 15 minutes, half an hour. if it feels as though you want to use you’ve got to remind yourself and convince yourself that it is just a craving and get through it like that, constantly convince yourself that you don’t need to use and the craving will go away on its own, you know what I mean.

The best way I can describe it is when you first start your treatment the cravings are very intense. And then slowly they drop off over a period of about four or five weeks they will drop off and get down to a minimum. They will still be there but they will be at the minimum, ok. And as you start reducing the methadone they’ll increase again.

That’s very interesting. What are your plans for the…?

As I’ve already mentioned I would like to go into some sort of drugs work whether that be drug counselling or prescribing or. I don’t know I’ve not particularly thought about it. I’d just like to get into the field and see what’s out there. I have looked into it to some degree and from what I can gather you have to have two years experience voluntarily before you can get into it. So I could do with finding somewhere now that will take me on voluntarily where I can do that, get my experience and then get a proper job out ofit in the end.

I’d also like to go to college and take further qualifications in the subject.

You wanted that help and you made the contact?

Yeah I phoned them up. I made an appointment with them for the next week. I went down to see them, I had a very short interview. They had all my details and everything off me about both my personal details and about my drug use and all the rest of it. And they then referred me to a doctor for prescribing the methadone. I went to see them and as a precautionary measure they start you off on 30mls a day just so you don’t overdose basically. That wasn’t quite holding me. So the next week I went up to 35mls and then from there on I’ve been reducing. I haven’t used within the first week of me starting me methadone. I stopped using heroin pretty much straight away and last summer I went over to live in Wales for 6 months. I was working over there so I’ve rebuilt the relationship with my family, friends. I’ve got a whole new life now that I didn’t have before because I totally destroyed it.

To be honest a lot of it was excitement because I hadn’t got to get up every day, find money to score, go out get the drugs, come back, have a hit. You know what I mean. it’s just a big weight off your mind. As I’ve just said I started off 30mls which wasn’t really enough but it was enough to get by, you know what I mean. It was a hell of a lot better than what I’d been used to. So yeah it was a big weight off my mind really.

And

I felt like a new person.

How were you feeling physically?

I’d got a hell of a lot more energy, felt more alert and got more concentration on things I was doing. I just felt healthy to be honest.

Were you still living in the tent?

No, no not at this point. I’d moved back with my Mother at this point. As I’d stopped using, my Mother allowed me to stay with her again.

Because obviously when you start methadone treatments you have to do a screening every week so that proves whether or not you’re using. So obviously then I could go to my mother and say, Look I’m not using, there’s the proof.

And emotionally how did you start to feel when you were put on methadone, when you started treatment?

Other than the relief, emotional feelings weren’t much different to be honest. I was just totally relieved to have my life back again and be able to do things as everybody else does and not have to wake up in the morning and feel really bad and not be able to function.

How do you think, what can they do to help their son or daughter?

Try to be understanding. Understand where the person’s coming from and why they are doing what they are doing. Understand that whatever trouble may be caused they’re not necessarily doing it just to hurt you but because the drugs have taken hold of them. It’s their addiction. It’s not them it’s their addiction. It’s like Jekyll and Hyde you can have two people in the same body. You can have that person and then that person on drugs, do you get me? And they’re two different people altogether. And again just sit down and talk and get things out in the open really and then take it from there. Try and get advice and help. Things I’ve just said really.

So parents also going to talk to GPs or check the Internet or go to the library to find advice and information?

But I think the best thing to do is to be open with the children because if you don’t they’re actually going to rebel against that.

To be open in which way?

Well in every way really. I mean just sit down and talk to them on a one-to-one basis and not try and preach or judge or shout or argue. I’ve known people in the past to lock their kids up in the bedroom until they are clean. That does not work.

Some of your friends?

Yeah it doesn’t work because you’ll just go and smash the window and jump out or smash the door down or whatever. They’ll get out of there somehow and they’ll go and score. It doesn’t work.

To be able to speak to you on a one-to-one basis rather than looking down to you. Speak to you as a friend. And just make you feel comfortable. Make you feel at home because if, [pause] if you don’t get that feeling you’re not going to open up and that’s no good either for the patient or the doctor because neither of you are going to have a decent picture of what’s happened.

So when you say, not look down on the young person, what do you mean? How did you feel?

What did the doctor have to do?

The best way I can describe it is I’m a doctor so I’m better than you. You’re just drug addicts’, you know what I mean. I’m up here, you’re down there’ sort of thing.

And you felt that?

Yeah, yeah.

You have felt that from some doctors?

Yeah, yeah.

I think a lot of it is down to convincing people to get into treatment and managing that treatment properly because counselling is all well and good but you need something to go along with that. You need proper medical help to go along with that and at the moment as I’ve just said, the funding isn’t available in a lot of places. So people are waiting six, twelve months for that treatment. And obviously in the space of six or twelve months you can be dead, you know, it only takes one dirty hit and you’re dead. So that is not quick enough by any means. And also with heroin especially you can want to give up one day and the next day you want to continue using. So when somebody decides they want to give up they need to get into treatment quickly or else they’re going to change their mind and not be successful or there’s a very good chance they’re not going to be successful anyway.

When you said addicted what happened to you at that point?

Not a great deal at first. Things went on as they were at first. It kind of came on slowly. I was taking more and more heroin. Before I knew where I was I was addicted to it and obviously then I needed that to function because of the withdrawal symptoms and what have you. So because of that you take more and it’s a vicious circle if you like. At the time I was working. I lost my job because of it because I couldn’t get up in the morning and go to work. So then I’d lost the money to get my drugs and then I had to turn to crime. I was borrowing money off my Dad all the time, 20/30 quid a day off me Dad. And so he very quickly found out about it. He didn’t kick me out. He didn’t have an argument with me or anything. He just sat me down and chatted to me and, you know, talked to me about it really and found out what the problem was which I opened up to him and everything and told him and he was very understanding but there wasn’t much he could do.

Your dad ok?

Shortly after that the farm got repossessed so we moved out of there and my father owned another property which was a few miles away. So we moved down to there and he was living in a caravan because the property was being refurbished. And I went to stay with Mother. At that point my Mother found out that I was on heroin and I did come off it cold turkey but only for about a month or two. And then I started going around with the, with my old friends again and got back on it.

How did your mother react when she found out?

She was very, very upset. She’s a very emotional person anyway so she was very upset. It really did upset her. And other than that she was quite calm, you know, she wasn’t yelling and bawling towards things. She was quite calm. She’d sit down and talk to me about it as she could but her emotions were the biggest problem. I couldn’t open up to her properly because she was too emotional.

I think the best thing is to seek knowledge from people who have had drugs experience themselves before you try drugs because you don’t know what you are getting yourself into. When I started to use heroin I’d only used cannabis before that and tried a few other drugs. And I thought, ok I knew it was highly addictive but I thought it was just the same as being addicted to cannabis but worse, worse in that you’re just going to crave it. I didn’t know there was any physical element to withdrawal symptoms. You know, I thought I’d still be able to get up in the morning and function. And that’s not the case you can’t, you can’t move. You can’t do anything. It just grips you. So yeah make sure you know what you are doing before you try it.

When I was about 14 and 15 years old I started smoking cannabis, not that much at that time but I was smoking it here and there at night after school. During my last year of school I was only doing 3 days a week and I only took English, Math’s, Science and Geography as my GCSE subjects, all of which I got an E grade in. I did no revision and no coursework at all so I was lucky to get that really.

And when I finished school I started using a whole lot more cannabis. I was using it all the time and that’s where things started going downhill.

You were very involved with looking after your grandparents?

Yeah.

And missing school and. Because you said that you took your exams but you didn’t have time for revision or anything like that?

No, well I, It wasn’t just I didn’t have time it was the fact that I couldn’t be bothered as well. I mean I was spending a lot of time looking after my grandparents but I was also spending a lot of time going out with friends and socialising. I just couldn’t be bothered to do it. I wasn’t in the right frame of mind to do it. I was using cannabis, getting stoned all the time.

Was that easy to?

To score?

Was that easy to leave these friends or this group behind?

No it wasn’t especially at first because these are people I’d grown up with all my life. I’d known them since I was about five years old some of them. So even though you’ve been through all the drug use and all the rest of it and it’s destroyed your life they are still a big part of your life, what’s left of it. You know what I mean. So you naturally try and hold on to that. So yeah that’s quite emotional but saying that, the drugs block out your emotions anyway. So I didn’t feel it too much at the time.

Ok. Have you made new friends? Have you got another group?

Yeah, yeah totally different life now. [um] I’ve been to college and I’ve got a girlfriend and a son, totally different life now.

Tell me a little bit about your new friends now? I mean where you have met them and?

Well to be honest I’m still building relationships as we speak. I haven’t actually got that many friends at the moment. It was only 18 months ago that I got clean so it’s not that long. But I’ve met a few people at college, at work and also it’s been my girlfriend and her family and just build up contacts like that.

And you met your girlfriend when you?

At college.

I think the best thing is to seek knowledge from people who have had drugs experience themselves before you try drugs because you don’t know what you are getting yourself into. When I started to use heroin I’d only used cannabis before that and tried a few other drugs. And I thought, ok I knew it was highly addictive but I thought it was just the same as being addicted to cannabis but worse, worse in that you’re just going to crave it. I didn’t know there was any physical element to withdrawal symptoms. You know, I thought I’d still be able to get up in the morning and function. And that’s not the case you can’t, you can’t move. You can’t do anything. It just grips you. So yeah make sure you know what you are doing before you try it.

At school because you said you started using cannabis when you were 13/14 did you receive any information at school at that age about sort of drugs?

We did yeah but it was very, very limited, very limited indeed. It was just the very basics.

Do you remember what they told you about at that time?

To put it in a nutshell it was basically drugs are bad, don’t touch them and that was it. That was all you get. That is basically all you get.

What do you think would be useful to give to them?

I think some time alone in a controlled environment with people who have had experiences on drugs would be helpful. Just so they can have some personal time and have a conversation about it and where they’ve been and what they’ve done and all the rest of it to get some idea of what happens when you start using drugs. And obviously that’s going to be different with every different type of drug, you know, but it will give you some sort of insight.

Ok so firsthand

Yeah

Someone who has the firsthand experience would be useful.

Obviously that could be backed up by factual knowledge as well.

Was it at times difficult? Were you tempted to go back to using heroin?

Obviously there’s times when you get cravings and what have you or perhaps you see an old friend in town or something and, you know that’s somebody you used to use with and that brings back memories and you want to go and use then. But personally no I didn’t have too much of a problem. On the whole it’s not been too bad.

Again based on your experience if you are telling someone who is starting this treatment what do you think is important for them to know?

Disassociate yourself from other users whoever they may be, family, friends, close relatives whatever – disassociate yourself because that is the main starting point. You can’t really be around other users and try and get off yourself because you’d be too tempted. Stick to your script. don’t use on top and don’t drop down too soon. Only reduce your methadone when you know you’re ready. And that’s about it really. it’s just a matter of keeping a positive frame of mind about it.

Ok so you did exactly that. You just disassociated yourself from people where you used to?

Yeah

But you were living in the same place, in the same town, in the same city?

Yeah, yeah. Oh yeah I could have, you know, jumped on a bus and gone and got some whenever I wanted.

Was that easy to?

To score?

Was that easy to leave these friends or this group behind?

No it wasn’t especially at first because these are people I’d grown up with all my life. I’d known them since I was about five years old some of them. So even though you’ve been through all the drug use and all the rest of it and it’s destroyed your life they are still a big part of your life, what’s left of it. You know what I mean. So you naturally try and hold on to that. So yeah that’s quite emotional but saying that, the drugs block out your emotions anyway. So I didn’t feel it too much at the time.

Have you made new friends? Have you another group?

Yeah, yeah totally different life now. I’ve been to college and I’ve got a girlfriend and a son, totally different life now.

So how do you see those positives now? How do they help you?

Well the fact that I’ve got my life back. As I’ve just said I’ve got a girlfriend, I’ve got a son, I’ve got a job, flat, family, friends. You know what I mean all those things are positive. They are things I didn’t have before.

And that helps?

Yeah. I mean people might take that for granted but to me that means a lot.

What were the reasons why you wanted to stop taking drugs?

I’d lost my family, my friends, my home. I was living in a tent for quite some time.

Ok so you were not living with dad or mum at that point?

No. This is afterwards, after I got back on the gear again. I was living in a tent not far from where I grew up, it was the middle of winter, all I’d got was a tent and a sleeping bag no facilities whatsoever. I was going out. Waking up in the morning and going out shoplifting, going to score some gear, come back, take that go out shoplifting again, score, come back, take it here, go to sleep. Get up and do the same thing again. That was my life at that point.

So it was pretty low?

Yeah.

Oh yes, all of it and more. That was the problem I hadn’t got enough to keep me habit. I was only working part time and I hadn’t got enough money to keep my habit. So I wasn’t turning up for work because I hadn’t got heroin all the time.

You said that you turned to crime?

Yeah.

Were you stealing?

No, yeah not, not really bad crime but shoplifting, theft. Very often I used to borrow my dad’s truck, my dad had got a pick-up truck. I used to borrow that and go out and steal scrap metal and weigh that in. And doing that pretty much every day for quite some time, for about six months.

Were you ever caught?

Not for doing scrap, no. I was caught shoplifting, nicking vodka and whisky and stuff like that and meat and caught about four or five times I think doing that.

What did the police do at that time?

I was cautioned twice and I was given a 12-month discharge from the court twice.

Did they offer any advice?

They did the last time I was arrested, yeah. They sent me to one of the drugs agencies at [City].

Tell me more about that because you were caught shoplifting. You were taken to the Police Station and they were giving you information about places you could go off to get help.

Sort of yeah. They arrest you and they have what’s known as arrest referral workers and they come and give you information whilst you’re in the cells of who you can go to get help. It’s then totally up to you whether you take that help or not but I’d wanted to get clean for quite some time anyway. And as I’ve already said, I went to stay with my Mother and I tried to do cold turkey and that just wasn’t working so the only route I could take really was to go on methadone. That was the only thing I could see to help me. So I got in touch with them and they sorted me a methadone script out within a few weeks.

I was smoking it all day, every day at that point just when I left school. I smoked it like a lot of people smoke cigarettes so I was getting through 20/30 quids worth a week easily.

Smoking every day

Yeah

More than once a day?

Yeah, all the time.

Then like I say I left school. During the summer I was still smoking more and more cannabis and then towards the end of the summer I got introduced to heroin then. That was through one of my, one of my friend’s from school her boyfriend was using it. He was already an addict for quite some years and he was using it and he introduced our circle of friends to it. I turned it down at first but within a month or so I tried it and liked it and I kept taking it basically. We were just having it at weekends then for about 6 months or so. And then we stopped taking it for a while then started taking it again and I very quickly became addicted to it.

And this was when you were 16?

I was about 16, 17 years old then yeah.

So what about the cannabis? Did you stop using cannabis?

I stopped using cannabis when I started using heroin. It was very overlapping for a few months but as I got more and more into heroin I couldn’t afford to buy cannabis. So that kind of dropped out if you see what I mean. I’ve had a few spliffs since then but it’s not been much.

Did you ever feel that you were putting yourself at risk sometimes when you were doing drugs or buying drugs or things like that?

For the most part I wasn’t injecting heroin. I was only smoking it. There was only really the space of about 3 months where I was injecting properly all the time. So obviously smoking is a hell of a lot safer than injecting is. So the risk’s a lot less. So personal danger no not really I wasn’t that bothered.
But you

I mean obviously there are dangers there but I wasn’t that bothered about it then.

So you were injecting that means have you had a test, an HIV test?

Yes, yeah. Everything is negative.

Because I mean it must have been a worry after you stopped doing?

Yeah I wasn’t worried at the time by any means but afterwards yes I did think, Hold on have I got something or not. Then again though you see when I was injecting I was safe. I never shared anything. I always used all my own stuff and it was always sterile. So I did it in the safest possible way.

What happened you went cold turkey? How did you feel?

Right ok. The best way I can describe it to you is if I had had a hit now, ok, I’d be alright for the rest of today. I’d feel normal for the rest of the day. I’d then wake up tomorrow morning and you’d have very severe flu-like symptoms. You’d be cold, shivering, hot sweats. You’d have no energy whatsoever. Your legs would be aching, your back’s aching, you’re sneezing, you’re coughing, you’re vomiting, diarrhoea, you’re eyes are watering, you’re yawning. There’s very, very bad symptoms basically. You can’t sleep. You can’t eat. You’re constantly running to the toilets. You just can’t do anything at all until you get another fix. And life gets worse and worse and worse progressively over about three or four weeks and then slowly you get better after that.

And you lasted four weeks. You tried?

Yeah, yeah.

…to do it without any assistance or treatment for four weeks?

Yeah.

But what happened next?

It just became too much for me really. I think a lot of it is to do with the frame of mind because obviously going by what I’ve just said, four weeks you’re nearly, you’re nearly through it but even so because of what you’ve just been through it’s still too much mentally speaking, it’s still too much. So you’re still compelled almost to go out and score.

And I just couldn’t take it anymore. So I went out and I bought some heroin and come back and took it. And that was there I was back to square one.

What were the reasons you wanted to stop taking drugs?

I’d lost my family, my friends, my home. I was living in a tent for quite some time.

Towards the end of the summer I got introduced to heroin then. That was through one of my, one of my friend’s from school her boyfriend was using it. He was already an addict for quite some years and he was using it and he introduced our circle of friends to it. I turned it down at first but within a month or so I tried it and liked it and I kept taking it basically. We were just having it at weekends then for about 6 months or so. And then we stopped taking it for a while then started taking it again and I very quickly became addicted to it.

And this was when you were 16?

I was about 16, 17 years old then yeah.

Still living in the rural area?

Yeah.

When you said addicted what happened to you at that point?

Not a great deal at first. Things went on as they were at first. It kind of came on slowly. I was taking more and more heroin. Before I knew where I was I was addicted to it and obviously then I needed that to function because of the withdrawal symptoms and what have you. So because of that you take more and it’s a vicious circle if you like.