Tom
Gender: Male
Pronouns: He / His / Him
More about me...
When Tom was 8 years old, he talked to his mum about the gender dysphoria he was feeling which felt like a massive weight off his shoulders. There was a long NHS waiting list to see a gender specialist and when Tom started to experience physical changes from puberty his mental health was badly affected so his mum arranged for him to see a gender specialist privately and he started taking puberty blockers. He now sees the GIDS counsellors whom he finds helpful to talk to.
Tom has been regularly monitored while taking puberty blockers but he has experienced no physical side effects from it. He feels puberty blockers kept his mental health stable which in turn helped his education and his friendships and gave him ‘time to pause’ and to think properly about his gender identity without being under pressure of puberty starting. He knew he could come off them in the future if he wanted to. He feels that he has been listened to throughout the healthcare assessment process. He is continuing to research about taking testosterone if he decides to take it when he is older.
His middle school supported his transition by showing a CBBC ‘My life’ video about being trans to his year group and explained that he will be transitioning. There was the opportunity for his class to ask him questions which he felt was a really helpful way to do it.
At secondary school Tom’s teachers have been very supportive; they acted like it was normal and didn’t treat him any differently which really helped him. Tom thinks there should be more education about trans identities in schools so that students have a better understanding.
Tom has found it really helpful to talk to people, such as the school counsellor, the GIDS counsellors, the private gender specialist and his mum about how he was feeling. He advises other young people if they are uncertain about their gender identity to ‘talk to someone as it opens up what you’re feeling.’
Tom talks about being uncomfortable going to swimming lessons and using changing rooms.
Tom talks about being uncomfortable going to swimming lessons and using changing rooms.
Well when you’re in lower school you kind of don’t really think about genders, you’re all just like out playing, but I think it was when I went into Year 3 and we started going to these swimming lessons, and obviously it was like wearing a different swimming costume and stuff like that. And that’s when everyone else kind of started to realise, and so did I. And I was like, “This isn’t really right, I don’t feel right.” And so I felt really insecure, and I just didn’t really like where I was at, and I got like worry and quite a lot of anxiety at that time, thinking like I don’t want to go swimming, and stuff like that. And then obviously because I noticed that, then that summer and stuff my Mum started making me wear school dresses in the summer time, and then I was just like, “Oh this is too much,” cos I really didn’t like it. So yeah, that went on for pretty much all of year 3, and then year 4 I said to Mum that I didn’t really feel comfortable, and so then we got me to get changed in the disabled toilet, and it was like a vest top as well, so it wasn’t just the swimming costume. And so, like little changes to help with it. And then so we got through year 4, and then I went into the middle school and I just told my Mum like, “I’m trans,” like basically. And we got on it from there.
Tom tells a story about being in PSHE with an ‘annoying guy in my class’ trying to ‘spot’ a trans person.
Tom tells a story about being in PSHE with an ‘annoying guy in my class’ trying to ‘spot’ a trans person.
Well there’s PHSE, which is basically, do you know about that? Yeah. So that’s also kind of to do with a lot of other things as well, but yeah, we do a little bit on that but we’re actually in class having that. And this, like the class started discussing how they’d be able to easily tell if a trans person was there. And so I was sat in the corner like mm, and there was this really annoying guy in my class who was like, “Easy,” and I was like, “Really so you think you’d be able to spot one?” And the teacher kind of like looked at me and winked, and she was, he was like, “Yeah obviously,” and I was like, “Oh okay.” Cos I was like, I kind of just felt like you know what, I’m just going to come out and everyone will be like “Aah,” kind of thing, but I didn’t. I held myself back, but it’s going to be funny seeing his reaction like if he finds out so yeah.
Tom and his mum share the story of the TV show that helped Tom come out at school.
Tom and his mum share the story of the TV show that helped Tom come out at school.
Tom: So I went in, and then they showed a video in class, and it was like I have quite high anxiety now, so this will make sense if I say that, and I remember they were showing a video about trans people, and then they were going to say, “So this is, [name] is doing this now,” And but they were like, “Do you want to be in the classroom when it’s doing it?” And I said, “Yeah.” And I was like, “I don’t know why,” look about, I was like why on earth did I say that? Like I’d be like no, get rid of it, other side of the school, now but yeah so I was, I think that’s one thing that I quite miss, because I was quite a confident kid when I was younger, and I feel like I’ve lost that recently, because of my anxiety, but yeah.
Tom’s mum: They showed the video what was it called, “My life.” The,
Tom: Yes
Tom’s mum: The BBC
Tom: It’s on CBBC. And it’s basically about my, it’s called “My Life,” and it basically just explains different kids’ stories, and there was this trans one and they basically showed that so it kind of relate with the kids.
Tom’s mum: It’s, it was really good. Because first of all the school were more than prepared to show it because it was a CBBC programme. So, they knew that it was suitable for their target audience. Second of all it explained…
Tom: Everything
Tom’s mum: It explained trans as you know, as a lifestyle, the fact that it wasn’t a choice, the you know how does it happen. It just really explained it really simple terms, that this isn’t a person choosing, “Oh I don’t fancy being a girl anymore, I want to be a boy,” but actually this is a feeling that you have always been this thing, and then it looked at the, talked to this lad about Leo, I think his name was about, it showed the transition process, talked to him about the issues that he had experienced, the things that were, that were helpful to him, and also it talked about blockers as well, didn’t it?
Tom: Yeah
Tom’s mum: And showed him, not actually showed him having a blocker injection, but showed sort of, they had discussion with Mum and, and Leo before the injection, then he goes off and has it done, then he comes out and talks about how it feels and things like that. And also, he got his passport, didn’t he?
Tom: Yeah.
Tom’s mum: In his new name, and things like that. So it was, it was just really a kind of holistic view from a kid’s perspective.
Tom: I and I was down in [city] and I wasn’t at the [organisation], I was at, what was it called [place],
Tom’s mum: [place]
Tom: And I was waiting in the waiting room, and I was, I saw him, but obviously we were both grown up a little bit, and I was with my Dad and I was like, “You know, you know that video that we showed everyone, that’s him.” And it was quite, it was quite nice to see, and he was sitting there with his girlfriend actually, well I guess they were, they were girlfriend and boyfriend, and it was just like really cool to see, cos he really helped me get through it. And it was really nice to see him.
Tom talks about his experience with GIDS ‘the people were lovely and they really helped me get through.’
Tom talks about his experience with GIDS ‘the people were lovely and they really helped me get through.’
When I started, like I said they were just getting to know me, and that went on for the first three, I’d say, that I was just sat there explaining for about two hours. And then we kind of went on about the struggles and like school and how that went on, and them kind of little details, and then towards the end of me talking to them, because they were leaving for some reason I was getting someone else, then I’ve got someone else now, I kind of felt like we weren’t really getting anywhere and I feel like you felt like that too, and I wasn’t really like hearing the questions very well, and I wasn’t, I felt like I, we were kind of not going anywhere. So when they left, and I got this new woman, who I’m working with now, she’s lovely, she kind of gets on with it, and I feel like we’re kind of getting somewhere. Obviously not at the fastest pace cos we can’t really at the moment, cos it’s kind of like a waiting game until I’m older, so I can get the testosterone, but yeah she’s, it still feels like we’re getting somewhere in what we’re talking about and we’re talking about and helping me with my anxiety as well which is quite good.
When you first go in there, they just make you feel comfortable, and yeah, you go in and they just like let you say what you want to say. They’re not, you’re not going in with a set plan, they’re just going in and if anything’s happened, from last time they saw you, they’ll just be like, “So what’s going on with you?” And check, like check in first and then if I didn’t’ have anything in particular to talk to them about, then they can be like, “Well I think it might be smart to talk about this, and go deeper into this,” and so it’s kind of up to you, but then they’ll always have like a back-up plan to like, “Well I think it actually might help maybe if we done this, and try stuff out.”
I felt like towards the end they were kind of asking me a question, and saying, “Well we know this about you, so how do you feel about this? Cos obviously this is what you’re going through.” And then like it would go on for like maybe a minute and then they’d just like sit there, look at me, and I’d kind of be like, “Which one do you want me to answer?” or “How do I respond to that?” and stuff like that. So I think maybe if I’d had the confidence to be like, “I don’t think I understand that,” and stuff like that, but I think nothing else I would have really changed cos it really helped me get through.
I think it was good, because obviously the people that I was working with before were lovely, and they really helped me get through it, but I think [name]’s, who’s the person I’m working with now, she’s also a lovely woman, and she kind of goes about things in a different way, and I think it’s good because I had them two different types of approaches to what I was trying to handle, and I think they both really helped.
Tom describes his experience of taking puberty blockers as ‘really good’, reversing changes in breast development.
Tom describes his experience of taking puberty blockers as ‘really good’, reversing changes in breast development.
Well straight away mentally, it was really good. But physically it’s really quite fast that it just stops everything. And obviously with the breast growth it actually goes back a little bit, in the like so some of your breast tissue goes back in well obviously not just goes back in but you know, so yeah, physically it starts quite fast as well, but obviously I only had the breasts were kind of like go off, so I don’t know if there’s other bits of puberty that would go back, but, yeah so on my account with the breasts it goes quite fast, and mentally as well.
Tom responds to critics of puberty blockers and describes the positive impacts they’ve had on his life.
Tom responds to critics of puberty blockers and describes the positive impacts they’ve had on his life.
Say if there was someone watching or someone out there who was critical about hormone blockers…
Yeah.
…or concerned, didn’t have enough information what would you say to them?
What about just the whole of?
Yeah
I’d probably ask them why and what their kind of concerned and worried about, or don’t know enough about, cos it’s, it’s not a permanent thing, and I think obviously I get that some people like some religious people, and obviously not all of them, but I had a guy in my school, in my old school as well like, “God makes you perfect,” and stuff like that, and I’m totally respectful, I’m an atheist myself, but I’m not like critical of anything and I think everyone should have the right to a religion and stuff like that, but I think it’s, it’s up to them, and it’s up to their decision, and it’s not permanent so they can change it, it’s not a life-changing decision.
And what would you say to people that might actually want to try and stop young kids getting blockers?
Again I’d ask them why, because it’s, it’s, well it helped my mental health, which helped every other thing, which helped my education, get my grades up. It helped my friendships again, it helped me just getting back in the swing of things, and me not having as much anxiety and not falling into, I know a lot of people who have fallen into depression and stuff because they’re just not, they can’t handle it, and they’re just going down and down and down. So, I’d kind of ask them why do you think this is okay then? And this could be resolved by that. And so why wouldn’t you have that, wouldn’t that be the sensible option?