- Age at interview:
- Tamsin is a Project manager. She is co-habiting. Ethnic background/nationality' White British
And my mum and I spent that entire week together My partner went back to work on the Tuesday but was there, you know, was on the end of the phone, but he didn’t feel that he could be helpful and he felt it was better that, that mum and dad and I spent time together. And then my dad, and I don’t know whether that’s a male/female thing but my dad went, went off for a while as well. Whereas mum and I felt that we had to be together the whole time. So I actually didn’t come home till the following Thursday, when I’d started to receive cards from people, particularly his work, because they had, the police had visited his work in an effort to find out his next of kin. So they knew almost before we did. And, of course, my friends, yes, and so, and then I came home.
And where [else] were you finding any support at this time? Your family, your partner, your friends, did you seek any sort of professional help at all?
No, I didn’t, no. I was very close to my brother throughout our life, there’s only 13 months between us. And we were very close and our parents had a somewhat erratic relationship [laughs].
And we supported each other through that I think and that’s one of the reasons why we were so close.
And my friends and my partner knew that, and obviously my parents. And whilst not every body can relate to it, because many people have siblings that they’re perhaps not as close to, it was easier for me to talk to people who knew how important he was to me and what a big part of my life he was.
But you had sleepless nights; did you go to your GP for some help with sleeping?
No I didn’t. I used some over the counter Nytol type things for a few nights. And self medicated a bit with white wine [laughs].
Because that was, that was enough. And talked and talked and talked and talked and talked and talked to my friends, that was so important. And they were so good because they let me.
And I tried, you know I tried not to be morbid. But it was very important to me that I could talk. If I had, if I was in a conversation where I would’ve usually told a story of my brother and I, it was really important to me that I could continue to do that without anyone freaking out, and especially me. So I did a lot of that, a lot of reminiscing about good times.
Yes. Do you like to talk about him and use his name now?
Yes I do. Yeah he’s still a very important person in my life.
Yes of course.
And it’s helpful for me when my friends acknowledge that by allowing me to do it.
- Age at interview:
- Adam is a staff nurse. He is co-habiting. Ethnic background/nationality: White British.
Did you ever look at the internet at the time for any form of help?
No I didn’t. I didn’t do a lot of; I didn’t really look for support groups. I didn’t do anything. My parents started looking at the Compassionate Friends and they were talking to me about, “Oh I met this person on Compassionate Friends website, who’s lost a brother” or something like that, “and it would be nice if you could talk to them.” But I just, I don’t know I mean I, I couldn’t, it just didn’t interest me in talking to other people because, because like I said, you know everybody goes and experiences their things, you know, everybody experiences grief in a different way, and they didn’t know Lloyd whereas my friends, Lloyds friends, they all knew Lloyd, they knew what he was like, they all had memories, so we could exchange memories and talk about Lloyd and that made me feel better than, and I don’t suppose I’ve really faced it, I’ve never really had to, but, so even now I can still talk about him and not get upset, but I find that if I do get upset people tend to they don’t, unless you’re crying and sobbing you can’t, people don’t feel for you. And that’s something that really annoys me, really, it’s very disheartening to think that people are so short sighted that they can’t see beneath, you know, they can’t read you enough to know when you’re upset.